I use the phrase Animal Companion and not pet because I am referring to my experience of my loss of Rocky, my goat. He was my companion because I respected him as an equal. Although I took care of him, he also took care of me. He was extremely intelligent and found a way to communicate with me. He understood all of the English I spoke, even full phrases. He played with me, cuddled with me, made me laugh and gave me unconditional love. He surprised and delighted me for years. He caused elation in my life by his very presence. He got very sick and died earlier than I ever expected.
How do I cope with such a loss? This is an epic experience in my life. It is not just a major life occurrence, it marks a huge change for me.
For those of us that are at a loss of how to handle our loss, we must be patient with ourselves. We know that grief has many stages and we pass through each one and loop around and repeat some of them again. Grief takes the time it takes. Everyone processes emotions in different ways that last for various amounts of time. You are not alone in your suffering and yet your process of healing is vastly unique and your own. Pick and choose the ways that feel right to you. Ride the grief out as best as you can knowing that the agony will eventually pass. We don't have to know when the pain passes, we just know that eventually we will be able to also feel joy again. Such is life. Allow yourself the time and gentleness to go about your own process in your own unique way. This is your grief, your feelings of deep and lasting change. Allow this change to Change you.
Grief has the potential to Change us. I write that with a capital "C" because the change can be profound. In my book, Piece of Planet or Planet of Peace: A Journey through Letting Go Told in Prose and Poetry, I write about a phrase I coined after my Soulmate passed over prompting me to take a Trust Walk without any money. That phrase is: Use Change to combat change. If we have a huge change in our life, we can create an even larger Change so that we can expand and grow in grand ways. I know this, but I am currently not at that stage of grief yet. Knowing this, however, is helpful. I know deep inside of myself that I will travel this road of grief and let it crack me open to a new version of myself. This knowing is very helpful. I tuck it away for the future. For now, I allow myself to feel.
It is important not to push the stages of grief. Don't be in any hurry to feel better. Allow yourself to just be real. Crying allows the toxins to rid the body. If you feel tired, rest. If you feel like being alone, then isolate for a time, but not for forever. This too shall pass. When my Soulmate Ted passed over at the early age of 24, many years ago, I used that phrase often. This too shall pass. When I was in agony I knew that feeling would pass. When I felt elated, I knew that feeling would pass also. I couldn't hold onto any feeling because they would pass. I had to Surrender and let go, allowing human feelings and thoughts to be like a river passing through, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Eventually everything passes through like a brook, like a stream, like a river. It all empties into a vast ocean where we can no longer find the thoughts that were once attached. Grief is like this. It is stormy. It is quiet. It is torrential. It comes in drips or sometimes freezes until it has to eventually thaw.
I know deep inside my life will never be the same. I will have to become larger than the feeling of devastation. In the meantime, I allow myself to be sloppy with grief. I allow it to wash over me or to stand still until I catch up with it. I allow myself to be in a fog or to glide like a cloud with no mind. I allow myself to scream his name, calling to bring back what I cannot. Grief is messy. It pushes and pulls us until we eventually come up for air and find Acceptance.
Don't suppress it. Don't pretend to be on a spiritual path that is only positive and does not allow sorrow. Don't try to force yourself into just feeling thankful for the time you were blessed by your Loved One. Being human means we have many feelings. It is important not to get stuck in the muck and mire. Have those feelings, but don't hold on to any one of them. Let them come and go. They will visit again; leave the door open.
