Communication is Important. It is not only Important, it is the basis for all relating. We communicate even when we don't realize it. We communicate with our bodies, we communicate in silence, we communicate with animals that don't speak our human language. We communicate. Silence is a huge communicator. Silence can speak louder than words. It can mean many things.
When people are afraid to communicate or do not know how and decide to remain silent, their silence communicates for them. They may not realize that their silence can mean things that they might not have intended. They might have so many feelings and be bottled up and in emotional pain. They may think about speaking to the other person each moment of each day, but their own blocks can cause them to plaster their mouth shut for fear of saying the wrong thing, for fear of not being able to speak the language of their heart, for fear of not being able to form coherent sentences while in their emotional stupor. But, in actuality, when they choose to be silent, they may be hurting another more than they ever thought possible.
Silence can be misinterpreted in so many ways. If someone is silent, the other person can interpret that as the other person not caring about them. This is very loud. They may feel ignored and disregarded. They may feel that the other person is cold and has no love for them. This may or may not be true. It could be that the one not speaking has their feelings wrapped around their tongue and are too much in anguish to let out any sounds. But, their inability to communicate can build huge walls, or even a huge walled city around them. Those walls can be interpreted as walls of steal that do not let any energy in or out. Then there is no open window, no screen to allow back in even the smallest trace of love. Silence, in this way, can be damaging. If one is silent for too long, the message of coldness and disregard can destroy even the best relationships.
However, sometimes silence is necessary. A short amount of silence can save a relationship. If one is really angry and upset and they take moments of silence to breathe out their negative energy, to run or walk around the block to move the energy out of their bodies, then this type of silence is medicine. But, if it goes on for days or longer, it can turn to solid walls, even if that is not their intention.
It is advantageous to learn about communication and how silence could be interpreted. Then we do not just learn to communicate, we learn about communication, what it is, what things could possibly mean and how to understand how we affect and relate to others based on our ways of communication or lack thereof. Everything is in relationship to another, thing, person, place, concept. Everything is relating. The floor relates to the door that moves over it. The carpet relates to the floor beneath it, the glance of an animal relates to the person who receives the glance. Everything is related and is in relationship. Knowing this sheds light on the need to understand the nuances of communication. We need to know when silence is just a lack of communication or whether it is on purpose to communicate loads of information. Silence speaks louder than words when it is intended for that purpose.
Sometimes someone can say "I love you" louder by looking one in the eyes in silence than in rambling a very long romantic poem that takes until tomorrow to complete. Know yourself. Know how your communication or lack thereof, affects another. Know when to be silent and when your silence can be the dagger that ends the story. Understand that people are in relationship with you no matter who they are; how you communicate to them tells loads about you. You cannot undo a word. Once spoken, you have conveyed to another a lot of information about your current state, about who you are and how you manage stress. You can also not undo silence if you let it go unchecked for too long. Silence speaks louder than words.
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Sunday, January 17, 2016
On Relationships #3
Esther Hicks, who channels the non-human, wise, group entity Abraham, has helped millions of people world wide. It is difficult not to give credit to them for so much of what comes to me to write since I have been studying that material for so many years. So much information can be traced back to what I have absorbed from these non-humans who generously give their energy to help us humans who cannot always "see" what is in front of them. What they teach can be applied to every human scenario and situation, every topic and every challenge.
With regards to love relationships, a good one has the ingredients that can be found from any Abraham cd, dvd, book, seminar or old cassette tape (yes, they have been around for a very long time). To have a great relationship even after many years, look to what Abraham says. One must be in their vortex if they expect to have good flowing to them. What does this mean? To be in one's vortex means to be tuned in, tapped in, turned on (in Abraham's words) to the truth of who we really are and to face downstream, away from struggle battling a current that no longer exists if we turn our boat around. Yes, you can be alive and do this. It is optimal. It is not only optimal, it is the recipe for a good life and for having good relationships.
Many people get into a relationship and put their best foot forward. They show the side of their face they like the best. They dress the part, brush their teeth and put on a smile. They interact in order to attract and uplift, to have fun and to share. If that relationship is mutual, it has staying power. But then something happens. They get complacent. They take for granted the other one's presence. They get so comfortable with the other that they can forget that they still need to reach higher and make themselves happy so they have something to share with another. Instead, many fall into the easy sharing of complaints and pitfalls of life's disappointments. They can get waterlogged with let downs and show their mate a boat that has been battling the current for so long it has lost its paint and no longer has the details showing it's name. The ocean boat once proudly named "Vitamin Sea" is now without a name. The pain was scratched off and the anchor was dislodged as well.
I have seen this time and time again. A couple lacking luster has somehow lost their desire to continue to put in the energy to repair and maintain their boat. The salt from the ocean has found its way into wounds. Fresh water has not been used to clean to deck, care has not been given to give care and appreciation to their vehicle. Sometimes this is a sign that someone has relied to much upon another to steer the boat. They might expect their mate to make them happy, create a smile and provide for them the reassurance they need to face the world. This type of behavior wipes the paint off of a boat or zaps the energy of a relationship.
It is our responsibility to connect with our own inner core of peace before we interact with another, even our mate of many years. Our mate does not have to weather our storm. We can get centered in our own heart to make our own waters calm and then interact with our mate. If we put the effort to make sure our inner life is smiling before we open our eyes to see our mate, then our relationship is on sacred ground that is respected. Then the spark of appreciation is still there. The feeling of love is constantly cultivated and put into conscious awareness. When we put the effort into making our inner world a haven, then we respect our love relationship. We don't put too much burden on the other to be a machine to stop the waves from coming. We can learn to navigate our own seas, knowing to turn into the wave instead of battling against it, to turn our boat downstream instead of paddling frantically to keep aboard. We can learn when to take down a sail, or when to put one up and which one in order to catch the wind in the right direction, or when to use the motor when maneuvering slowly around other boats. We have to learn to look around us to avoid a collision coarse from a boat in the distance that we might intersect if not for awareness and experience. If we are not experienced in relationships than how can we expect to sail on the open seas. We have to stay in the harbor and learn to navigate first. We have to take classes on reading the stars as our compass. The other person on board, may be our mate, but they are not responsible for our life. They may share in efforts of putting up and taking down the sails, but they are not the driving power behind the wind, they are not the wind itself and they are not anchor we need when arriving into port. They are simply on this ride sharing the journey. It is up to us to make sure we tap into our own inner divine energy to smile before we open our eyes to say good morning to another. We must tap into the Source of our joy and share that with our mate instead of complaining together about the weather and expecting them to bring out the sun. We keep full length rain gear in storage and look to our own inner guidance to make ourselves happy. Then we have something to share, then we can contribute to the ride, then our relationship can continue to sail on the adventures of life.
With regards to love relationships, a good one has the ingredients that can be found from any Abraham cd, dvd, book, seminar or old cassette tape (yes, they have been around for a very long time). To have a great relationship even after many years, look to what Abraham says. One must be in their vortex if they expect to have good flowing to them. What does this mean? To be in one's vortex means to be tuned in, tapped in, turned on (in Abraham's words) to the truth of who we really are and to face downstream, away from struggle battling a current that no longer exists if we turn our boat around. Yes, you can be alive and do this. It is optimal. It is not only optimal, it is the recipe for a good life and for having good relationships.
Many people get into a relationship and put their best foot forward. They show the side of their face they like the best. They dress the part, brush their teeth and put on a smile. They interact in order to attract and uplift, to have fun and to share. If that relationship is mutual, it has staying power. But then something happens. They get complacent. They take for granted the other one's presence. They get so comfortable with the other that they can forget that they still need to reach higher and make themselves happy so they have something to share with another. Instead, many fall into the easy sharing of complaints and pitfalls of life's disappointments. They can get waterlogged with let downs and show their mate a boat that has been battling the current for so long it has lost its paint and no longer has the details showing it's name. The ocean boat once proudly named "Vitamin Sea" is now without a name. The pain was scratched off and the anchor was dislodged as well.
I have seen this time and time again. A couple lacking luster has somehow lost their desire to continue to put in the energy to repair and maintain their boat. The salt from the ocean has found its way into wounds. Fresh water has not been used to clean to deck, care has not been given to give care and appreciation to their vehicle. Sometimes this is a sign that someone has relied to much upon another to steer the boat. They might expect their mate to make them happy, create a smile and provide for them the reassurance they need to face the world. This type of behavior wipes the paint off of a boat or zaps the energy of a relationship.
It is our responsibility to connect with our own inner core of peace before we interact with another, even our mate of many years. Our mate does not have to weather our storm. We can get centered in our own heart to make our own waters calm and then interact with our mate. If we put the effort to make sure our inner life is smiling before we open our eyes to see our mate, then our relationship is on sacred ground that is respected. Then the spark of appreciation is still there. The feeling of love is constantly cultivated and put into conscious awareness. When we put the effort into making our inner world a haven, then we respect our love relationship. We don't put too much burden on the other to be a machine to stop the waves from coming. We can learn to navigate our own seas, knowing to turn into the wave instead of battling against it, to turn our boat downstream instead of paddling frantically to keep aboard. We can learn when to take down a sail, or when to put one up and which one in order to catch the wind in the right direction, or when to use the motor when maneuvering slowly around other boats. We have to learn to look around us to avoid a collision coarse from a boat in the distance that we might intersect if not for awareness and experience. If we are not experienced in relationships than how can we expect to sail on the open seas. We have to stay in the harbor and learn to navigate first. We have to take classes on reading the stars as our compass. The other person on board, may be our mate, but they are not responsible for our life. They may share in efforts of putting up and taking down the sails, but they are not the driving power behind the wind, they are not the wind itself and they are not anchor we need when arriving into port. They are simply on this ride sharing the journey. It is up to us to make sure we tap into our own inner divine energy to smile before we open our eyes to say good morning to another. We must tap into the Source of our joy and share that with our mate instead of complaining together about the weather and expecting them to bring out the sun. We keep full length rain gear in storage and look to our own inner guidance to make ourselves happy. Then we have something to share, then we can contribute to the ride, then our relationship can continue to sail on the adventures of life.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
On Relationships #2
Self-love means that you no longer spend huge amounts of time trying to attract another to love you. So many people waste so much time and money on the internet, going to seminars, buying books and end up where they started: as single as the moon in the sky, looking at the sun but never able to get close enough to touch that ball of light. Balls of fire aside, they get burned out of shopping for mates and in the end, nothing about them has changed save for the fact that they are now more disappointed than ever. This pushes the likelihood of a mate dropping out the sky almost close to zero. What to do?
In comes the idea of shopping for a mate. Yes, you heard it, let's go shopping! This is not the same type of shopping as going to the human flesh market, window shopping, or shopping for clothes to attract another. This shopping does not involve spending a dime, although nowadays spending a dime is nearly impossible: nothing on earth costs a dime anymore unless it is a single piece of bubble gum from a gumball machine. Blowing bubbles is a good idea! Have fun with this kind of shopping, it is meant to bring more joy into your life. Here it is in a pecan shell: when you find a person you are attracted to, look carefully and examine why. Why are you hung up on hanging out with this person? Why are you hooked on hooking up with them? Why are they the icing, the ice cream, the whipped cream, the vegan burger, the fries and the whole enchalada? In short, what about them has them in your central idea center? What about them is taking up so much of your time? This is where we insert shopping. Let's go shopping. They are your shopping muse. What about them has you so enthralled? Now let's shop for what they have and add that to yourself.
Are they strong? Are they able to bench press their baby calf? If you could lift a little sweet calf and rescue it from a veal slaughterhouse you would be dripping with tons of excess self-love. Okay so let's add physical strength to your shopping list. Now let's apply action. Start lifting weights. What if they are strong on the inside and are able to confront any challenge with bravery and courage. Let's add that to our shopping list. Let's become emotionally and mentally as strong as a dragon (when was the last time you met a dragon - perhaps you need to have more imagination to see yourself as really that strong, physically, mentally and emotionally.) Emotional strength, by the way, does not equate with suppressed and hardened faces unable to show any sign of weakness. It means emotional maturity, being able to be vulnerable, knowing when to ask for help, when to share and when to take a walk or run in silence ---or when to lift weights until you sweat out your inner story that just might be a tale that needs to find its end.
Let's continue shopping....what if that person you obsess about is like the sun and everyone runs circles around them. What about that person is magnetic? Perhaps they are helpful and kind. Look inside - this is a different kind of shopping experience. Do you have those qualities within you or are you afraid to shine your light? Are you mean when you want to be kind? Are you cold when you want to be warm? Do you go the extra mile for someone or just give them your leftovers?
Be the person you would like to be. The person you are attracted to is showing you what type of shopping you need to do and what types of qualities or attributes you need to add to your cart. Fill this cart with what you desire to build within your own self. This is what people do who are full of self-love. They don't grab merchandise from other people's carts and steal their energy, they build their own cart and put in it just what they need, just what their heart has been nudging them to add to themselves.
This is not fix-it shopping. We are not talking about fixing ourselves into oblivion and looking for ways to improve so that we can attract a mate. No! We are shopping for what it is that we find so alluring and putting that into our own selves. Then we are in our own center. We become what we are looking for. Then we are attractive and the right person automatically is drawn to us.
In comes the idea of shopping for a mate. Yes, you heard it, let's go shopping! This is not the same type of shopping as going to the human flesh market, window shopping, or shopping for clothes to attract another. This shopping does not involve spending a dime, although nowadays spending a dime is nearly impossible: nothing on earth costs a dime anymore unless it is a single piece of bubble gum from a gumball machine. Blowing bubbles is a good idea! Have fun with this kind of shopping, it is meant to bring more joy into your life. Here it is in a pecan shell: when you find a person you are attracted to, look carefully and examine why. Why are you hung up on hanging out with this person? Why are you hooked on hooking up with them? Why are they the icing, the ice cream, the whipped cream, the vegan burger, the fries and the whole enchalada? In short, what about them has them in your central idea center? What about them is taking up so much of your time? This is where we insert shopping. Let's go shopping. They are your shopping muse. What about them has you so enthralled? Now let's shop for what they have and add that to yourself.
Are they strong? Are they able to bench press their baby calf? If you could lift a little sweet calf and rescue it from a veal slaughterhouse you would be dripping with tons of excess self-love. Okay so let's add physical strength to your shopping list. Now let's apply action. Start lifting weights. What if they are strong on the inside and are able to confront any challenge with bravery and courage. Let's add that to our shopping list. Let's become emotionally and mentally as strong as a dragon (when was the last time you met a dragon - perhaps you need to have more imagination to see yourself as really that strong, physically, mentally and emotionally.) Emotional strength, by the way, does not equate with suppressed and hardened faces unable to show any sign of weakness. It means emotional maturity, being able to be vulnerable, knowing when to ask for help, when to share and when to take a walk or run in silence ---or when to lift weights until you sweat out your inner story that just might be a tale that needs to find its end.
Let's continue shopping....what if that person you obsess about is like the sun and everyone runs circles around them. What about that person is magnetic? Perhaps they are helpful and kind. Look inside - this is a different kind of shopping experience. Do you have those qualities within you or are you afraid to shine your light? Are you mean when you want to be kind? Are you cold when you want to be warm? Do you go the extra mile for someone or just give them your leftovers?
Be the person you would like to be. The person you are attracted to is showing you what type of shopping you need to do and what types of qualities or attributes you need to add to your cart. Fill this cart with what you desire to build within your own self. This is what people do who are full of self-love. They don't grab merchandise from other people's carts and steal their energy, they build their own cart and put in it just what they need, just what their heart has been nudging them to add to themselves.
This is not fix-it shopping. We are not talking about fixing ourselves into oblivion and looking for ways to improve so that we can attract a mate. No! We are shopping for what it is that we find so alluring and putting that into our own selves. Then we are in our own center. We become what we are looking for. Then we are attractive and the right person automatically is drawn to us.
Friday, January 15, 2016
On Relationships #1
We put a huge amount of energy, concern, obsession, money, time, and focus on obtaining or maintaining intimate, love relationships. There is a huge industry on the internet and in book stores that consume people's money proclaiming to help them attract a love relationship. They convince people that with this love relationship, all will be transformed in their life. That may be true, but it is only true if one does the needed work to get there. "There" refers to the place of peace and joy that people are promised once they attract and attain this love relationship, the one that is their destiny, or so they are told. However, getting to a place to attract such a perfect relationship is an inside job. It is not about what we do or don't do to attract and keep a mate, it is about how we are being. If we think we need a mate to feel loved, to feel complete, to feel happy, then we are placing a hug responsibility onto someone else. No one can deliver happiness to us, we must be happiness ourselves. Our life journey is about our own development; it is not about improving ourselves in order to have a good or perfect love relationship.
We must first cultivate an understanding about our own life. We are here to learn and develop self-love. We must be aware about that process and be introspective. We must be able to look at ourselves in a kind way and cultivate the necessary soil towards more and more self-love. What is self-love? Self-love is a road we travel as we get to know who we are and what makes us happy and what we need to develop in ourselves to become healthy on all levels. We can instantly see the amount of self-love we have by how we treat ourselves. If we ridicule ourselves for not being enough, we will manifest someone in our life that is just as harsh and treats us with the same disdain. If there is someone in our lives that is mean and cruel to us, it shows us how we are treating ourselves. It is a sign post that we need to be gentle and compassionate to ourselves yet push ourselves forward to reach the next growth pinnacle for our own development. We cannot be too strict or too lazy, too stubborn or too lenient. Self-love is a huge topic and can be discussed on many levels forever. We have so many seminars and books in this world on finding a mate and attracting love, but not as much on self-love. Yet, without self-love, a good relationship with another cannot last. It is a shame that most schools don't have a mandatory class on self-love. It is to everyone's advantage to contemplate this topic and shed awareness on its importance and to discuss this in groups and classroom settings. People who have self-love have high self-esteem. Those people make better citizens and don't have the need to commit crimes or hurt themselves or others. Clearly, the way to a better world is to delve deep into self-love.
Think about this deeply. My next blog entree will be about shopping for a mate. Although it seems to be about looking for love on the outside, it is really about cultivating more self-love.
We must first cultivate an understanding about our own life. We are here to learn and develop self-love. We must be aware about that process and be introspective. We must be able to look at ourselves in a kind way and cultivate the necessary soil towards more and more self-love. What is self-love? Self-love is a road we travel as we get to know who we are and what makes us happy and what we need to develop in ourselves to become healthy on all levels. We can instantly see the amount of self-love we have by how we treat ourselves. If we ridicule ourselves for not being enough, we will manifest someone in our life that is just as harsh and treats us with the same disdain. If there is someone in our lives that is mean and cruel to us, it shows us how we are treating ourselves. It is a sign post that we need to be gentle and compassionate to ourselves yet push ourselves forward to reach the next growth pinnacle for our own development. We cannot be too strict or too lazy, too stubborn or too lenient. Self-love is a huge topic and can be discussed on many levels forever. We have so many seminars and books in this world on finding a mate and attracting love, but not as much on self-love. Yet, without self-love, a good relationship with another cannot last. It is a shame that most schools don't have a mandatory class on self-love. It is to everyone's advantage to contemplate this topic and shed awareness on its importance and to discuss this in groups and classroom settings. People who have self-love have high self-esteem. Those people make better citizens and don't have the need to commit crimes or hurt themselves or others. Clearly, the way to a better world is to delve deep into self-love.
Think about this deeply. My next blog entree will be about shopping for a mate. Although it seems to be about looking for love on the outside, it is really about cultivating more self-love.
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