Wednesday, January 27, 2016

On Relationships #4

Communication is Important. It is not only Important, it is the basis for all relating.  We communicate even when we don't realize it.  We communicate with our bodies, we communicate in silence, we communicate with animals that don't speak our human language.  We communicate.  Silence is a huge communicator.  Silence can  speak louder than words. It can mean many things.

When people are afraid to communicate or do not know how and decide to remain silent, their silence communicates for them.  They may not realize that their silence can mean things that they might not have intended.   They might have so many feelings and be bottled up and in emotional pain.  They may think about speaking to the other person each moment of each day, but their own blocks can cause them to plaster their mouth shut for fear of saying the wrong thing, for fear of not being able to speak the language of their heart, for fear of not being able to form coherent sentences while in their emotional stupor.  But, in actuality, when they choose to be silent, they may be hurting another more than they ever thought possible.

Silence can be misinterpreted in so many ways.  If someone is silent, the other person can interpret that as the other person not caring about them.  This is very loud.  They may feel ignored and disregarded.  They may feel that the other person is cold and  has no love for them.  This may or may not be true.  It could be that the one not speaking has their feelings wrapped around their tongue and are too much in anguish to let out any sounds.  But, their inability to communicate can build  huge walls, or even a huge walled city around them.  Those walls can be interpreted as walls of steal that do not let any energy in or out.  Then there is no open window, no screen to allow back in even the smallest trace of love.    Silence, in this way, can be damaging.  If one is silent for too long, the message of coldness and disregard can destroy even the best relationships.

However, sometimes silence is necessary.  A short amount of silence can save a relationship. If one is really angry and upset and they take moments of silence to breathe out their negative energy, to run or walk around the block to move the energy out of their bodies, then this type of silence is medicine. But, if it goes on for days or longer, it can turn to solid walls, even if that is not their intention.  

It is advantageous to learn about communication and how silence could be interpreted.  Then we do not just learn to communicate, we learn about communication, what it is, what things could possibly mean and how to understand how we affect and relate to others based on our ways of communication or lack thereof.    Everything is in relationship to another, thing, person, place, concept.  Everything is relating.  The floor relates to the door that moves over it.  The carpet relates to the floor beneath it, the glance of an animal relates to the person who receives the glance.  Everything is related and is in relationship.   Knowing this sheds light on the need to understand the nuances of communication.  We need to know when silence is just a lack of communication or whether it is on purpose to communicate loads of information.  Silence speaks louder than words when it is intended for that purpose.

Sometimes someone can say "I love you" louder by looking one in the eyes in silence than in rambling a very long romantic poem that takes until tomorrow to complete.   Know yourself. Know how your communication or lack thereof, affects another.  Know when to be silent and when your silence can be the dagger that ends the story.  Understand that people are in relationship with you no matter who they are; how you communicate to them tells loads about you.   You cannot undo a word. Once spoken, you have conveyed to another a lot of information about your current state, about who you are and how you manage stress.  You can also not undo silence if you let it go unchecked for too long.  Silence speaks louder than words.      

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