Getting Sick in San Ignacio

Since I have been in San Ignacio, I have not stopped moving until today when I got sick.  Otherwise I would have continued in my real Disneyland.  It’s a land of natural adventure.  There are many guides, some certified, some not, to take you on different tours.  When I got here, I called the guy that I met on CouchSurfing.org who was going to be my host.  He picked me up and took me and my bags to his rented house.  He has two big dogs, one was overbearing and made me praise my well behaved goats even more.  His place was a bit dirty, but no bugs besides mosquitos.  Still, I was out of my comfort zone immediately.  However, we had some great conversations and cooked together with fruits and vegetables I bought from the outdoor market. When I went into the room where I was to sleep, there was a t-shirt hanging up that was pro-Palestinian and had an Israeli flag with a line crossed through it.   I turned it over and made the best of it.  I am not into the politics of these people and do not take sides, but I didn’t want him to know that I had a Jewish background.  It somehow came out in conversation however.  He asked me a question, I answered it.  He didn’t seem anti-Semitic, but the next morning when my guide called for my Mayan cave trip, he didn’t want to get out of bed.  He had told me he would give me a ride to the office where they collect everyone for the trip.  On the way there, he said it wasn’t going to work and that I needed to leave.  I was relieved, I would be able to get closer to my comfort zone and not be the one to hurt anyone’s feelings.   The idea of couch surfing is great, but I think that may be my first and last time.   We had a nice parting where he wondered if he made a mistake in having me leave.  I was just thankful to have my stuff and get to a new place right in town, conveniently in walking distance to find guides for various trips. 

I booked a room with my own private toilet and felt the return of some of my comforts.  Travelling expands us to get out of our comfort zones, but makes one appreciate the familiarity of home.  I realized that I no longer need to experience getting out of my comfort zone. I can stay comfortable all of my life if I so desire.  That is liberating.  There is a cheap motel nearby. It is called The Hi-Et.  A fellow traveler on the street and I had a good laugh on that. But, I secretly tucked the memory of Hyatts, Sheratons, and Hiltons away for safe keeping. 

My own room with my own bathroom was a paradise today.  I got sick.  I must have eaten something or been effected from the river water.  I was sitting on the toilet sweating. My whole body was perspiring and I felt cold.  After the initial fear of death passed (that happens), I went to my Abraham teachings.  Almost immediately, I thought of how much Gratitude I have for my parents and what they share with me.   I focused on that instead of pain.  Soon I was feeling better. I was able to go to the store to get more water for my tea. The day before, my tour guide for the cave tubing threw rocks at an Allspice tree until some leaves fell into the river.  He collected a small handful and today I made tea out of them along with allspice seeds from the market.   It is supposed to be good for the stomach. 

My first guided trip was to the ATM (Actun Tunichil Muknal) Mayan Cave.  It is required to have a certified guide in this area.   Once you are in the cave, you can see why.  We probably went into this wet cave about ½ to ¾ of a mile.  Sometimes we had to swim, but mostly walk in water with small head lamps, following our guide.  It eventually opened to a wide cavern, but mostly we walked through smaller spaces filled with stalactites and stalagmites.   The end of the cave is filled with some broken Mayan pottery and a sacrificial skeleton called the crystal maiden.  It looks like she was sacrificed by strangling as they offered her up to the gods.   When we left the cave, the contrast of the darkness and sometimes narrow spaces had me so delighted to again be out in the warm sunlight on dry land, walking in the jungle, witnessing the purple morning glories.  

The next day I hired a guide to take me in a canoe down the river to see birds, trees, and many iguanas sunning themselves in the tree tops.  For a number of hours, we were immersed in the nature of the river listening to Melodious Black Birds, watching King Fishers, egrets, green herons, small blue herons, a rare white heron, red robed doves, vultures, yellow warblers, parrots flying high in the sky as well as toucans from a distance.   My private guided canoe trip cost $30 U.S. dollars or $60 Belize dollars.  

The next day I went river tubing in caves.  All of the many, many caves in Belize are carved out from water on limestone.  A certified guide gave me a private trip through a few caves in an inner tube.  Since it was just him and I, there was time to turn off the headlamps and sing/tone in the cave.  It was too short, I could have floated down the river the whole day.  This is probably the most peaceful thing I have done so far, minus the mosquitos on the walk down to the river. They demanded that I donate a small percentage of my blood to them. It is a small price to pay as part of the entrance fee to the jungle ride.

I think it would be a good idea to create small indoor pools to float in for a cure for insomnia.  A small generator could create gentle waves.  Or perhaps there are water beds that have motors to create these peaceful motions.  Instead of taking sleeping pills, we can use the movement of water and float, feeling held by the water.  

On Saturday is the open market.  Many people come to sell fruits, vegetables, seasonings, clothes, jewelry etc.  I saw some rabbits in cages.  I wanted to buy them all and free them.  If someone did not buy them for pets, they would be put in a stew.  But, someone pointed out to me, if I let them free, they would have been taken down by an animal anyway.  I realized that I was in a foreign country and that I just had to witness their reality without trying to change it.  

Later, a few of us hired a taxi to drive us to Xunantunich, a Mayan ruin not too far from San Ignacio.  he view from the top stretched green as far as the eye could see.  It is strange being amongst ruins where human sacrifices to gods are common, however, this is still happening in the world today.  It is just a little bit more modernized and people disagree about the way this should be done.  But, we are still living amongst this archaic way of being.  Maybe that is why everyone loves butterflies. We went to a small butterfly farm on the way to the ruins and flourished in the blue fluttering of these peaceful creatures.  

I am still recovering today from my stomach episode, but I am thankful for having my own room with el bano.  I am thankful for hot showers and clean kitchens, for air conditioning and heaters, for my parents, and my goat, for water filters, for the governmental regulation of restaurants so we can choose an A rating, for those stickers on the mirrors of food establishments that persuade one to wash their hands if they are handling food.  But, I am also thankful for unspoiled nature that we can still find on this globe; where trees are still standing simply because there is not the money to cut them down to create industry. 

Believe in Belize

Somehow when I was taking photos of nurse sharks and gentle rays, my camera must have skipped.  When I went to look at them, I only saw photos of me and Patches.  So there I was in the ocean snorkeling and still, I am with my goat.  I left Caye Caulker when I ran out of snorkel spots after two days and went to San Pedro Ambergris Caye.  It is completely the opposite.  Whereas Caye Caulker is a wopping two miles long, without cars and with a road made of sand, Ambergris Caye has cars, concrete roads, and is very built up for the tourists.  I met a wonderful Belizean man who left Belize and was living in London and Norway.  His black skin was a complete contrast to his Norwegian pale girlfriend.  He was extremely cultured.  I noticed how he glanced at my dish when we were eating breakfast at a roadside café. He silently observed that I was using my fork as a knife, turning it sideways.  I mentioned that to him later realizing I saw my knife as an ornament for the table.  I told him I would have preferred using my hands instead of the fork.  It was a friendly exchange, mind you, but I realized how quickly we convey information to each other and how the mind always sizes things.  The way I held my fork gave my whole life and heritage away.  What a strange thing to realize while sitting in a third world country, eating not at a hole in the wall precisely because there were no walls.  The next day we said our goodbyes and I left for the jungle.  The snorkel boats there would have only taken me to the same sites as the boats leaving from Caye Caulker so it was time for a new scene.

I took a water taxi to Belize City and from there got a taxi to the bus station.  I noticed that the ATM  (Actun Tunichil Muknal) Mayan cave was near the capital of Belmopan, so I got off the bus.  However, this was not a tourist town, there were no tour guides nor easy access places to stay.  A woman selling sweets at the bus station saw my confusion and said she would rent a bedroom out for $25 Belize dollars. Cut 25 in half and you get the amount you pay in US dollars.   A taxi cab came in on the scene hoping to make some money off my tourist dollars.  I knew I should have spent more time on my computer researching before I left the island to figure out my way – or was this all happening for a reason. I was directed to an internet hub and tried to navigate the pages for what I wanted in Belmopan. But, Belmopan was not the town to stop at for the guided tours. I ended up finding a phone number on a website that was a lodge that offered both accommodations – for the extravagant traveler and the budgeted one.  It costs money every time someone uses their cell phone to make a call.  A nice man from the internet shop called the lodge for me and got the price. He wrote down $15 US dollars for a bunkhouse in the jungle. Can do!

I was on my merry way and went back to the bus station.  There was a long line for the bus I needed to take.  A taxi cab driver already piranahed his way towards me telling me I’d have to wait about an hour for the next bus because this one arrived almost full.  I waited and silently affirmed I was getting on the bus.  They took some people on and then closed the gate. Then they came back announcing there was one more seat. The women in front were traveling together so they stepped aside. Me and my luggage made it on the crowded bus which looked like a school bus from the US that was discarded.   I had to tell the driver to drop me off between stops.  The drive there was beautiful jungle, miles of green covered hills without any buildings to obscure the view. I was dropped off in the middle of nowhere with a long road to walk to get to the lodge. Luckily, there was a man from the lodge on his way to catch a bus home.  He called a worker from the luxury resort to pick me up.  I went from chicken bus (they call them that because sometimes you might sit next to someone carrying a live chicken) to luxury van chauffeuring me to the entrance of the resort. When I got to the front desk, the young Belizean (although the lodge was owned by Canadians, the workers were Belizeans. This is the norm.  The more expensive properties are not owned by locals, but employ them.) told me that I was quoted the wrong price. Here I was in one of the most beautiful lodges I have ever seen with flowers growing that I have only previously seen cut in a vase from a florist, in the middle of a jungle with no fruit stand and he tells me the bunkhouse is a lot more than what was told to the man on the phone who made the phone call for me. He must have heard 15 instead of 50.  The dinner and breakfast cost more than the lodging itself.   Luckily the young concierge gave me the lower price for the bunkhouse and off I went.  Another worker trolleyed my bags to the 6 bunked bunkhouse that was empty save for myself.   He also told me that there were dangerous snakes that come out at night in the jungle and that I should use my flashlight when I walk to the toilet.  

The windows were just screen and the light was a kerosene lamp. Luckily, I had the power bar that Mom gave me to eat. My dinner was a makeshift emergency stash that saved me a lot of money for food that I wouldn’t have eaten anyway.  I could hear the night sounds of the jungle and managed to see the stars through the trees which would have kept me up looking, but the mosquitos dictated that I go back inside. It was a much needed respite from the peopled hostels I had stayed at before. I went to sleep muttering how thankful I was until I was too tired to speak. The next morning I checked out and was given a ride to the top of the road and told to wait for the bus.  Shortly thereafter, I was on the bus back to Belmopan and on to catch another to San Ignacio, land of the real Disneyland.

Belize: Islands

My recommendation is to go directly to Caye Caulker and skip Belize City.  Although, for me, it was an important stop and I had to be there.  But, if you don't, skip it and get a flight to this Caye, pronounced Key Cocker.  There are no cars, just golf carts and no pavement, just sand. It's about two miles long and really narrow.  We are surrounded by water which is great when it's not hurricane season.  Today I pet nurse sharks and rays.  They were very gentle.  This doesn't seem like a shark, more like a big catfish, very gentle.  The rays are also gentle and don't mind anyone. 

My best experience in the water so far is when a school of fish encircled me, looked at me, and seemed happy to see me.  I think these were snappers and another fish people eat.  The difference between this and my Hawaiian experience is that I swam with fish that one would see on their dinner plate. That seems really weird to swim with what you might later eat.  I don't know what to make of that.  Someone said, "well, that is life."  I let it go at that.  There was a cat in the restaurant looking to find a scrap to eat. That's easy, it's really like eating outside except they put up a thin plywood wall and call it a restaurant.  The floor is the same on the outside, sand. There was a crab that would come out to look for food from the hole at the bottom of the tree that was also inside of the restaurant.  We all get linked together by this need to eat and find ourselves in the same place. Cat, crab, human. 

I saw a couple of restaurants on the sand, at the shore, who use swings instead of chairs.  You sit on wooden swings whether at a table or the bar.  You eat and swing.  It must be good for the digestion because you get to move your circulation as you eat.  Plus it is easy to clean the floor because they hang from the ceiling.  Great idea. 

I ran out of places to snorkel here so moving on to another island tomorrow, if all goes as planned.   I've met some Belize locals that I realize are just like anyone and everyone else.  Little things might be different, like some speaking Creole which is like a slang English that shortens everything and slurs them all together.  However, people all over the world have similar needs, similar stories, and similar desires.  Perhaps it is different for those that live communally, like native people who live with the earth or like the people on the farm that I volunteered at near San Diego.  Since they shared everything they were really different.  They didn't have the same stories or needs, they helped each other and lived together.  Perhaps only those that live in shared ways are the only ones really different than the Westernized cultures who all fend for themselves and run after money.  But, then again, I am in a touristy place at the moment -  an island full of touristy things to do and the next island has even more of that. But, so it goes when you want to go snorkeling or diving or boating, or jet skiing, it is always for tourists.  The tourists are meant to seek Fun and the locals are meant to make money off of the tourists seeking fun.  The "Cake Lady" said she was also having Fun though. She had baked cakes for her little push cart on the island for 30 years.  A whole life on a small island with no cars decorating cakes. 

Later this evening I will go to listen to live music and hopefully see a traditional Belize dance called the punta.  The Belizean men I met were too shy to show me, but said to look on youtube - and they call this a third world country.  It sounds like a dance to create buns of steel. 

I feel like I have the ocean in my head.  I am hearing it from the water I see just down stairs and I am feeling it since I spent most of today swaying gently back and forth like a fish.  Maybe this is the cure for insomnia. 

Poem for today:

Water is for Lovers
I watched a couple today
They were allowing their affection to flow
as they held each other in the water
they allowed the moment to be in the moment
as they were floating, defying gravity
which rhymed with their flowing emotions
And as I shared the same water with them that also held me
I was able to feel their sentiments that were carried on the small waves.

Waiting for Plane

Why does anyone travel?  To see the world?  Yes  To experience new things? Yes.  To expand who we are? Yes.  But, there is another reason.   We travel to remind ourselves that there is only One World here and there is a common link between all of us.  We seek to remember that this is not such a huge distant world, but a world in which people help each other and you meet your "cousins" and friends on the other side of the globe, the other side of the nation, the other side of the ocean.  Maybe one day on the other side of the moon...  For now, this is not a lunar experience, I hope.

I am sitting in Palm Springs airport waiting to get to Dallas, waiting to get to Belize.  Believe in Belize.  I have been believing in Belize for so long that finally it has become a reality.  My first reason for going is that it is the world's second largest barrier reef, after Australia.  It is also a place of caves and jungles, islands and Mayan ruins, farms and hurricane shelters. 

However, this is not the same type of trip I have taken before.  It has been many years since I have left this country.  This time I do it with my laptop so that I can communicate with others and name and frame my experiences.  But, there is something vastly different this time.  I am not traveling to get outside myself, to crowd myself with new experiences in order to fill myself with so many ideas that I don't recognize myself anymore.  This travel is not for that reason. That was the past. This time I take myself with me, the Self inside.  I bring with this trip all of me in order to contribute what I can.  My intention is to take memories and to give with an open heart.  I am no longer looking to fill from the outside, rather I hope to share what I have to share, whatever Greater Inspiration gives to me. I will listen.  I also intend for Fun.  This is why we do anything.  We are hoping for Fun. We are dreaming, fantasizing, drooling, obsessing, focusing on Fun.  We travel to remember that Fun is who we are.  Fun is within.  Fun is what we are made of.  It is simply the energy of Focusing in this Now Moment with an Inner Smile that is ready to break into Inner Laughter.  Never mind that others want to focus on negatives and darkness, there is enough of that.   There is more need for Fun on this planet than any other concept. Fun is strong enough to stop wars.  It is the reason good marriages stay together.  It is the cause of great health.  And it hopefully is the reason behind what we do and how we do it.   So, wherever you are, if at home sitting on a rocking chair, make that enough.  Bring to it the self-love, confidence and Joy found within and make every moment enough because it shares the seat with Fun.  Soon, we realize that we are Fun and there is no separation between this Divine Energy and who we are. Sometimes we have to go within for that. When the outside offers energies contrary to Fun, we cannot look for it on the outside.  For this reason, I bring the intention of Contributing Fun and Sharing Fun and Being Fun and Feeling Fun and Breathing Fun.  This can be a calm, serene thing, mind you.  But, it is a Joy, an elated Joy that is within.  We travel to share this energy with the world. 

The Gifts of Astrology: Neptune in my 2nd House

I have been pondering about my Neptune in the second house.  I learned that Neptune rules the 12th. For me, self worth is influenced by romance and love and by money.   I had a relationship with a man who had a transit of Neptune in his 7th house of relationship or his 5th house of Love and Fun.  I understand so much of my life now from the gift of Astrology.   
I got sick when he left me, my self-worth being tied to my romantic relationships at the time.  My finances were Neptunian influenced which means I was dreamy about it and kept having impractical ideas that never materialized into material wealth.  He had money and was generous and loving, but his dreams of relationship were illusions and led to disappointment.   I took it personally and got ill.  No wonder why he couldn't really understand his own feelings; they were vague at best.  How could he have told me that he perceived me as an illusion and woke up to disappointment.  If he had known of this transit, perhaps he could have looked at things more realistically and been able to talk through disagreements and come to a more grounded approach to relationship.  He also had the victim/Savior complex with that transit so he was there to save me from my 2nd house with Neptune woes - for just a little while.  My savior was flighty and the castle in the sky was precisely where it was, in the sky.   I crashed and burned and he went on to another dream.

Meanwhile, I got savvy on my astrology for a moment and let google save me a bit. I read everything on one search page and bookmarked the only positive one.  I think I will now create my own, afterall, astrology is only a blueprint, as Paramahansa Yogananda said.  His chart had him married, but instead he became a Yogi Saint that brought Self-Realization Fellowship to the western world.   I believe what he said, it is only a blueprint, so why not rewrite it to make it positive, all of it positive. Bring Abraham, channeled from Esther Hicks, into this and TELL A NEW STORY.

This means that a person with Neptune in the 2nd house has to value themselves above all.  Their self-worth will attract the necessary money to live well.  Money needs to be seen as Love and Light and a gift from God, not separate from spirituality.   Money matters have to be practical with no needless spending. One can make money from things dreamy, like film, acting, or from things that negate separation between others, such as caring for the sick or helping others in idealistic ways.  Best not to self-sacrifice and give away money to others at our detriment.  We might have to bring discipline to money matters and not expect the stork to fly in the open window with a bag full of hundred dollar bills in its beak.  Above all, don't expect a mate who is dreamy in the first week to still be dreamy in the second week if there is any financial dependence put onto them.  No way!  Especially if they don't know Neptune resides in my second house and that I dream of the money stork bringing in the bread of sustenance.  I give a lot of healing away for free, this I will continue to do.  But, I also charge.  Once I understand that charging for healing is a good thing, then it will be a good thing. And I am almost there. 

I feel astrology is freeing. I know that my dreamy romance was influenced by Neptune and the illusion was not to be grounded.  We could have grounded it if we knew before hand about delusion and then it could have been perfect.  It could have been ideal, the spirituality of Neptune could have carried it deeper.  With a keen sense of awareness, meticulous communication, sharp spiritual and relationship wisdom, and the sharing of creative pursuits, it could have been a functional castle in the sky equipped with a ladder down to earth.   But, que sera sera and what was, was.  I learned that dreams sometimes stay dreams.  But, in the case of Neptune in my 2nd house, I vow to make my dreams into reality by employing my already alive and well imagination to work for me.  I will take my never, never land mystical reality and become just that, the Magician with Neptune in the 2nd house. Watch how I create money from my dreams.  It will happen now that my dreams are rooted in the reality of helping others as I help myself.

And what have I done with my woes about that relationship?  I have used Change to combat Change.  Instead of wanting love coming from one person, I now see that I am loved by the world.  I replaced the love of one with the LOVE of the MANY.    I multiplied my gains and that diminished my loss.   Neptune, God of the Sea, is welcome in my 2nd house and in all of my houses.  I just might end up making money from healing guidance as we walk down the path towards the ocean and snorkel to our heart's content in a tropical sea.  Cheers to Neptune!!!