Letting Go of Being Victim

Today was a powerful day.  It started with a terrible argument on Facebook.  I meant well, but people were swearing at me.  My hands were shaking with adrenaline.  I had stumbled upon something huge for myself.  I had only one choice, I had to look at the situation and see what I could gain from it.  I received more than I thought possible from just a two-dimensional self-expression on social media. 

I had to look closely.  I was writing about the concept of victim.  People thought I was blaming victims for a sexual assault incident.  I simply wanted to empower them.  I would not do a woman a disservice by seeing her as a victim.  I choose to see women as powerful and hope to eradicate the word victim from the vocabulary and burn it away from the cells and the aura.   I choose to see animals as that way as well.  The ones in the slaughterhouses that await a terrible fate can change their karma of victimhood.  I speak to the farm animals, too, that I would like to empower so that they transform to being strong, confident, happy animals that have transitioned away from victimhood and a karma of victimization. 

I had to look closely.  There was a gift being given to me with this huge social media flare up.  I was able to receive from the universe the accurate perception of my own life.  I, too, was a victim, but I saw that it was a stance that I chose to have.  I didn’t know there was any other position to take.  I didn’t even know I was being a victim in my own life.  Then I saw it; my whole life had been riddled with victimization.  The biggest culprit was my own biochemistry.  I had an allergic reaction to one of my own bio-chemicals and it had caused me repeated suicidal desires.  Only, I was not allowed to die.  There was no suicide escape tickets left for me to use; I had already used them up in previous lives.  My only choice was through.  I had to live this life through to the end.  I counted the years left to when I thought I would die.   This took up half of my life, the other half was fine. 

Because of this heated social media conversation, I realized that the very strength that I was preaching for these women to have was the strength that I needed, to be a rock inside.  I needed to be stronger than the bio-chemical allergy, I needed to be stronger than negative thinking , I needed to be stronger than the voices that dissuaded me from pushing forward in many areas of my life.  Finally, I was able to listen to my own advice.  Drop the victim, up the self-esteem, get strong and be the rock I am inside to move the mountains that needed moving in my life. 

I was told many, many years ago by Jerhoam, a teacher entity, channeled by John Oliver, that the prolonged grief that I had sustained undermined my confidence.   In short, the long term grief over the suicide of a Soulmate when I was 24 years old and another suicide of my best friend years later, pushed my self-esteem too low.  I had lost confidence in my manifestation of miracles.  The strength of a rock that I dreamed of to overcome my bio-chemical allergy and my grief needed one thing:  the letting go of victim consciousness.

The Celestine Prophesy, by James Redfield, teaches that one of the roles people often assume in life is the victim in order to get energy.   This is an excerpt taken from http://www.relationshipspecialists.com/media/the-four-control-dramas-from-the-celestine-prophecy/  All humans, because of their upbringing, tend toward one of the four “control dramas”: intimidators steal energy from others by threat. Interrogators steal it by judging and questioning. Aloof people attract attention (and energy) to themselves by acting reserved or withdrawing. And poor me’s make us feel guilty and responsible for them.

The above description from James Redfield’s book, The Celestine Prophecy, defines four ways that people are in relationship with one another. All are attempts to control another’s behavior.

People usually hold onto their control dramas for dear life for two reasons:  they are not aware of what stance they are taking in their lives and that it is the familiar way of being that is ingrained deep into them in order to get energy.

If someone were to tell me that my experiences of suffering from the allergic reactions to one of my bio-chemicals was because of me playing victim, I would have fought with them.  Above all, I wanted to keep this illness.  I wanted to fight for dear life to keep this victim stance.  It was all I knew.  On some level, I was getting something out of being that way.  It was also an excuse to stay small.  If I could stay small, I wouldn’t have to be my true self.  On some level that felt comfortable.  Being my true self did not; it posed a risk.  I would have to break out of my shell of comfort and become more.  It was easier to stay small in the victim stance than to see that it was my choice to be in that stance in order to hide my true self.   

After severe praying about another issue, I went on facebook and received this realization from my own recommendations to get strong instead of being a victim.  It was an answer to my prayer; not the answer I hoped to get, but an immensely more important one.

The women who were victims in this particular issue reviewed on social media, helped me to see my own situation.    I felt overwhelmed by life’s conditions and, for many years, could not get above water.  By being able to admit that I created the role of victim in my own life, I now had access to the power key.  I could now take much needed action and shrug off the victim stance.  I was saved by my own recommendations and pushed to recognize my own victim role playing by those that dug their feet deep into their own and savagely protected it by hurling words of criticism against my attempts to show them their behavior and convince them of their own inner strength.  All that empowerment, though pointed to them and rejected, was showered upon myself.    

I was able to see that I was the one responsible for playing victim to, not only my own bio-chemicals, but to other people, circumstances, societal conditioning, etc.  I was able to take ownership of how I was being and I saw the path to correct it.   All of this happened for me because of a challenging experience on social media.

Many years ago, a teacher of mine who counseled me on the suicide of my soulmate who suffered greatly from one adult-onset bipolar episode, told me that things do not happen to you, they happen for you.   He was urging me to remove the victim stance.  At that time, I couldn’t digest that very deeply; now I understand.