On Relationships #4

Communication is Important. It is not only Important, it is the basis for all relating.  We communicate even when we don't realize it.  We communicate with our bodies, we communicate in silence, we communicate with animals that don't speak our human language.  We communicate.  Silence is a huge communicator.  Silence can  speak louder than words. It can mean many things.

When people are afraid to communicate or do not know how and decide to remain silent, their silence communicates for them.  They may not realize that their silence can mean things that they might not have intended.   They might have so many feelings and be bottled up and in emotional pain.  They may think about speaking to the other person each moment of each day, but their own blocks can cause them to plaster their mouth shut for fear of saying the wrong thing, for fear of not being able to speak the language of their heart, for fear of not being able to form coherent sentences while in their emotional stupor.  But, in actuality, when they choose to be silent, they may be hurting another more than they ever thought possible.

Silence can be misinterpreted in so many ways.  If someone is silent, the other person can interpret that as the other person not caring about them.  This is very loud.  They may feel ignored and disregarded.  They may feel that the other person is cold and  has no love for them.  This may or may not be true.  It could be that the one not speaking has their feelings wrapped around their tongue and are too much in anguish to let out any sounds.  But, their inability to communicate can build  huge walls, or even a huge walled city around them.  Those walls can be interpreted as walls of steal that do not let any energy in or out.  Then there is no open window, no screen to allow back in even the smallest trace of love.    Silence, in this way, can be damaging.  If one is silent for too long, the message of coldness and disregard can destroy even the best relationships.

However, sometimes silence is necessary.  A short amount of silence can save a relationship. If one is really angry and upset and they take moments of silence to breathe out their negative energy, to run or walk around the block to move the energy out of their bodies, then this type of silence is medicine. But, if it goes on for days or longer, it can turn to solid walls, even if that is not their intention.  

It is advantageous to learn about communication and how silence could be interpreted.  Then we do not just learn to communicate, we learn about communication, what it is, what things could possibly mean and how to understand how we affect and relate to others based on our ways of communication or lack thereof.    Everything is in relationship to another, thing, person, place, concept.  Everything is relating.  The floor relates to the door that moves over it.  The carpet relates to the floor beneath it, the glance of an animal relates to the person who receives the glance.  Everything is related and is in relationship.   Knowing this sheds light on the need to understand the nuances of communication.  We need to know when silence is just a lack of communication or whether it is on purpose to communicate loads of information.  Silence speaks louder than words when it is intended for that purpose.

Sometimes someone can say "I love you" louder by looking one in the eyes in silence than in rambling a very long romantic poem that takes until tomorrow to complete.   Know yourself. Know how your communication or lack thereof, affects another.  Know when to be silent and when your silence can be the dagger that ends the story.  Understand that people are in relationship with you no matter who they are; how you communicate to them tells loads about you.   You cannot undo a word. Once spoken, you have conveyed to another a lot of information about your current state, about who you are and how you manage stress.  You can also not undo silence if you let it go unchecked for too long.  Silence speaks louder than words.      

On Relationships #3

Esther Hicks, who channels the non-human, wise, group entity Abraham, has helped millions of people world wide. It is difficult not to give credit to them for so much of what comes to me to write since I have been studying that material for so many years.  So much information can be traced back to what I have absorbed from these non-humans who generously give their energy to help us humans who cannot always "see" what is in front of them.  What they teach can be applied to every human scenario and situation, every topic and every challenge.

With regards to love relationships, a good one has the ingredients that can be found from any Abraham cd, dvd, book, seminar or old cassette tape (yes, they have been around for a very long time).  To have a great relationship even after many years, look to what Abraham says.   One must be in their vortex if they expect to have good flowing to them.  What does this mean?  To be in one's vortex means to be tuned in, tapped in, turned on (in Abraham's words) to the truth of who we really are and to face downstream, away from struggle battling a current that no longer exists if we turn our boat around.   Yes, you can be alive and do this.  It is optimal.  It is not only optimal, it is the recipe for a good life and for having good relationships.

Many people get into a relationship and put their best foot forward.  They show the side of their face they like the best.  They dress the part, brush their teeth and put on a smile.  They interact in order to attract and uplift, to have fun and to share.  If that relationship is mutual, it has staying power. But then something happens.  They get complacent.  They take for granted the other one's presence.  They get so comfortable with the other that they can forget that they still need to reach higher and make themselves happy so they have something to share with another.  Instead, many fall into the easy sharing of complaints and pitfalls of life's disappointments.  They can get waterlogged with let downs and show their mate a boat that has been battling the current for so long it has lost its paint and no longer has the details showing it's name.  The ocean boat once proudly named "Vitamin Sea" is now without a name.  The pain was scratched off and the anchor was dislodged as well.

I have seen this time and time again.  A couple lacking luster has somehow lost their desire to continue to put in the energy to repair and maintain their boat.  The salt from the ocean has found its way into wounds.  Fresh water has not been used to clean to deck, care has not been given to give care and appreciation to their vehicle.  Sometimes this is a sign that someone has relied to much upon another to steer the boat.  They might expect their mate to make them happy, create a smile and provide for them the reassurance they need to face the world.  This type of behavior wipes the paint off of a boat or zaps the energy of a relationship.

It is our responsibility to connect with our own inner core of peace before we interact with another, even our mate of many years.  Our mate does not have to weather our storm. We can get centered in our own  heart to make our own waters calm and then interact with our mate.  If we put the effort to make sure our inner life is smiling before we open our eyes to see our mate, then our relationship is on sacred ground that is respected.  Then the spark of appreciation is still there.  The feeling of love is constantly cultivated and put into conscious awareness. When we put the effort into making our inner world a haven, then we respect our love relationship.  We don't put too much burden on the other to be a machine to stop the waves from coming.  We can learn to navigate our own seas, knowing to turn into the wave instead of battling against it, to turn our boat downstream instead of paddling frantically to keep aboard.  We can learn when to take down a sail, or when to put one up and which one in order to catch the wind in the right direction, or when to use the motor when maneuvering slowly around other boats.  We have to learn to look around us to avoid a collision coarse from a boat in the distance that we might intersect if not for awareness and experience.   If we are not experienced in relationships than how can we expect to sail on the open seas.  We have to stay in the harbor and learn to navigate first.  We have to take classes on reading the stars as our compass.  The other person on board, may be our mate, but they are not responsible for our life.  They may share in efforts of putting up and taking down the sails, but they are not the driving power behind the wind, they are not the wind itself and they are not anchor we need when arriving into port.   They are simply on this ride sharing the journey. It is up to us to make sure we tap into our own inner divine energy to smile before we open our eyes to say good morning to another.   We must tap into the Source of our joy and share that with our mate instead of complaining together about the weather and expecting them to bring out the sun.  We keep full length rain gear in storage and look to our own inner guidance to make ourselves happy.  Then we have something to share, then we can contribute to the ride, then our relationship can continue to sail on the adventures of life.  

On Relationships #2

Self-love means that you no longer spend huge amounts of time trying to attract another to love you. So many people waste so much time and money on the internet, going to seminars, buying books and end up where they started: as single as the moon in the sky, looking at the sun but never able to get close enough to touch that ball of light.  Balls of fire aside, they get burned out of shopping for mates and in the end, nothing about them has changed save for the fact that they are now more disappointed than ever.  This pushes the likelihood of a mate dropping out the sky almost close to zero. What to do?

In comes the idea of shopping for a mate.  Yes, you heard it, let's go shopping!   This is not the same type of shopping as going to the human flesh market, window shopping, or shopping for clothes to attract another.  This shopping does not involve spending a dime, although nowadays spending a dime is nearly impossible: nothing on earth costs a dime anymore unless it is a single piece of bubble gum from a gumball machine.  Blowing bubbles is a good idea!  Have fun with this kind of shopping, it is meant to bring more joy into your life.  Here it is in a pecan shell:  when you find a person you are attracted to, look carefully and examine why.  Why are you hung up on hanging out with this person?  Why are you hooked on hooking up with them?   Why are they the icing, the ice cream, the whipped cream, the vegan burger, the fries and the whole enchalada?   In short, what about them has them in your central idea center?  What about them is taking up so much of your time?  This is where we insert shopping.  Let's go shopping.   They are your shopping muse.  What about them has you so enthralled?  Now let's shop for what they have and add that to yourself.

Are they strong?  Are they able to bench press their baby calf?  If you could lift a little sweet calf and rescue it from a veal slaughterhouse you would be dripping with tons of excess self-love.  Okay so let's add physical strength to your shopping list.  Now let's apply action.  Start lifting weights.  What if they are strong on the inside and are able to confront any challenge with bravery and courage. Let's add that to our shopping list.  Let's become emotionally and mentally as strong as a dragon (when was the last time you met a dragon - perhaps you need to have more imagination to see yourself as really that strong, physically, mentally and emotionally.)  Emotional strength, by the way, does not equate with suppressed and hardened faces unable to show any sign of weakness.  It means emotional maturity, being able to be vulnerable, knowing when to ask for help, when to share and when to take a walk or run in silence ---or when to lift weights until you sweat out your inner story that just might be a tale that needs to find its end.  

Let's continue shopping....what if that person you obsess about is like the sun and everyone runs circles around them.  What about that person is magnetic?  Perhaps they are helpful and kind.  Look inside - this is a different kind of shopping experience.  Do you have those qualities within you or are you afraid to shine your light?  Are you mean when you want to be kind?   Are you cold when you want to be warm?  Do you go the extra mile for someone or just give them your leftovers?

Be the person you would like to be.  The person you are attracted to is showing you what type of shopping you need to do and what types of qualities or attributes you need to add to your cart.  Fill this cart with what you desire to build within your own self.   This is what people do who are full of self-love.  They don't grab merchandise from other people's carts and steal their energy, they build their own cart and put in it just what they need, just what their heart has been nudging them to add to themselves.

This is not fix-it shopping.  We are not talking about fixing ourselves into oblivion and looking for ways to improve so that we can attract a mate.  No!  We are shopping for what it is that we find so alluring and putting that into our own selves.   Then we are in our own center.  We become what we are looking for.  Then we are attractive and the right person automatically is drawn to us.

On Relationships #1

We put a huge amount of energy, concern, obsession, money, time, and focus on obtaining or maintaining intimate, love relationships.  There is a huge industry on the internet and in book stores that consume people's money proclaiming to help them attract a love relationship.  They convince people that with this love relationship, all will be transformed in their life.  That may be true, but it is only true if one does the needed work to get there.  "There" refers to the place of peace and joy that people are promised once they attract and attain this love relationship, the one that is their destiny, or so they are told.  However, getting to a place to attract such a perfect relationship is an inside job.  It is not about what we do or don't do to attract and keep a mate, it is about how we are being.  If we think we need a mate to feel loved, to feel complete, to feel happy, then we are placing a hug responsibility onto someone else.  No one can deliver happiness to us, we must be happiness ourselves.   Our life journey is about our own development; it is not about improving ourselves in order to have a good or perfect love relationship.  

We must first cultivate an understanding about our own life.  We are here to learn and develop self-love.  We must be aware about that process and be introspective. We must be able to look at ourselves in a kind way and cultivate the necessary soil towards more and more self-love.  What is self-love?  Self-love is a road we travel as we get to know who we are and what makes us happy and what we need to develop in ourselves to become healthy on all levels.  We can instantly see the amount of self-love we have by how we treat ourselves.  If we ridicule ourselves for not being enough, we will manifest someone in our life that is just as harsh and treats us with the same disdain.  If there is someone in our lives that is mean and cruel to us,  it shows us how we are treating ourselves. It is a sign post that we need to be gentle and compassionate to ourselves yet push ourselves forward to reach the next growth pinnacle for our own development.  We cannot be too strict or too lazy, too stubborn or too lenient.   Self-love is a huge topic and can be discussed on many levels forever.   We have so many seminars and books in this world on finding a mate and attracting love, but not as much on self-love.  Yet, without self-love, a good relationship with another cannot last.   It is a shame that most schools don't have a mandatory class on self-love.  It is to everyone's advantage to contemplate this topic and shed awareness on its importance and to discuss this in groups and classroom settings.   People who have self-love have high self-esteem. Those people make better citizens and don't have the need to commit crimes or hurt themselves or others.   Clearly, the way to a better world is to delve deep into self-love.

Think about this deeply.  My next blog entree will be about shopping for a mate.  Although it seems to be about looking for love on the outside, it is really about cultivating more self-love.  

From Victim to Victory

 There is an illness on this planet that is silent and yet it is loud in its silence.   It is called victimhood.   I extend being a victim to mean anything that we  hold onto that exists outside of ourselves that we use to keep from moving forward in life and getting internally strong.   It can be just about anything.  It can be another person, circumstance, thing, situation, illness.  It can even be our own selves; our attitudes of perfectionism or feeling of not being enough, etc.  It can be anything or anyone.  Many times, we may not even realize we are being a victim to something/someone.  It can be a silent killer, zapping our energy from being the dynamic truth of who we really are.   Perhaps most people exhibit victim behavior, but because we have limited its meaning, we may not notice it as a detriment.  Once we see and take responsibility for victim behavior, we can change.  We can free ourselves from blocked energy and embrace life instead. 

Animals, especially those on factory farms of agribusiness, also exhibit victim behavior.  They have victim karma.  They want freedom, they want to be happy, just like all of us, but they are victimized by human greed and ignorance.  Perhaps factory farm animals suffer more than any of us.  What can we do when we feel for these animals but don’t know how to invoke change?  We can look at our own selves.  There is a direct correlation between the victim thinking/feeling/behaving of humans and animals that suffer.  We are all connected.  We are all part of a whole.  No one is really separate in this world, even though it may appear that way.  We are as interconnected as the slices of an orange, touching each other in a sphere.  Our world is part of the whole world.  Our lives are affected by what happens in the whole.  All energy is continuous and we are a part of this continuum.   Therefore, animals that suffer are directly related to our own suffering.  

A powerful way to heal is to look within ourselves and remove what no longer serves us or the greater good.  If we look closely, we may find all sorts of victim behavior.  We might blame anything and everything for the reason we are not where we want to be or who we want to be.  We may also be in denial of this behavior.  We may feel like we are not enough and so use fear as an excuse to not break out of our limitations to move forward.   We may be perfectionists that are always preparing ourselves to get ready as a way to procrastinate.  We may feel we have to constantly improve before we make a move.   Or, we may compare ourselves to others and never take that first step forward.   They are a myriad of ways that we use being victim to stop ourselves from fully living.   

When we are willing to really look at ourselves truthfully, we can see that most of us are victim to something outside of ourselves.   If we hear ourselves complain about anything, that is a sign that victim consciousness runs the show. 

But how do we help animals that are suffering?  When we look deeply at our own victim behavior and do something to change that allows us to feel better about our lives, then we help animals.  Since we are all connected, what we do to heal ourselves is reflected in the whole world.  One less victim, one more healed, whole, happy person makes a difference for all of us. 

We need to see that if we are allowing external phenomena to affect us negatively, then we are not being part of the solution for world peace.   Each contributes to the whole.  When we are actively, consciously, allowing ourselves to flourish by healing our victim parts, we affect everything and everyone.  

Instead of feeling hopeless and helpless about the animals in slaughterhouses and factory farms living a horrible fate, we can diligently do all we can do to heal our own selves.   We have to be brave to be able to look honestly at how we are being and what we are doing that does not contribute to, not only our own happiness and wellness, but that of the entire world as well.

Inner strength means that we have taken the journey inward to become part of the solution and are no longer contributing to the dense negativity of the planet.   If we live in this manner, cleaning what does not serve a higher way of being, then we are actively contributing to the healing of the entire universe.  We are, inadvertently, helping the animals that are victims by releasing our own victimhood.  We are moving from victim to Victory.  We do this for ourselves, we do this for others and we do this for the animals. 

When enough of us remove the victim way of being and free ourselves from being less than our true magnificence, we evoke a change for all.  I implore you to look deeply within, to remove and clean out what no longer serves and to emerge as a conscious, healed being that is part of the solution.  When you commit to this endeavor, you pave the way for others, including animals, to follow.  We owe this to ourselves, we owe it to others we share this planet with and we owe it to the animals that need our strength and power to emerge shiny and new into a world of love and light.  Looking at the face of an animal in a slaughterhouse is enough reason to begin this inward healing journey now.   Become a part of the solution, heal thyself.    

Letting Go of Being Victim

Today was a powerful day.  It started with a terrible argument on Facebook.  I meant well, but people were swearing at me.  My hands were shaking with adrenaline.  I had stumbled upon something huge for myself.  I had only one choice, I had to look at the situation and see what I could gain from it.  I received more than I thought possible from just a two-dimensional self-expression on social media. 

I had to look closely.  I was writing about the concept of victim.  People thought I was blaming victims for a sexual assault incident.  I simply wanted to empower them.  I would not do a woman a disservice by seeing her as a victim.  I choose to see women as powerful and hope to eradicate the word victim from the vocabulary and burn it away from the cells and the aura.   I choose to see animals as that way as well.  The ones in the slaughterhouses that await a terrible fate can change their karma of victimhood.  I speak to the farm animals, too, that I would like to empower so that they transform to being strong, confident, happy animals that have transitioned away from victimhood and a karma of victimization. 

I had to look closely.  There was a gift being given to me with this huge social media flare up.  I was able to receive from the universe the accurate perception of my own life.  I, too, was a victim, but I saw that it was a stance that I chose to have.  I didn’t know there was any other position to take.  I didn’t even know I was being a victim in my own life.  Then I saw it; my whole life had been riddled with victimization.  The biggest culprit was my own biochemistry.  I had an allergic reaction to one of my own bio-chemicals and it had caused me repeated suicidal desires.  Only, I was not allowed to die.  There was no suicide escape tickets left for me to use; I had already used them up in previous lives.  My only choice was through.  I had to live this life through to the end.  I counted the years left to when I thought I would die.   This took up half of my life, the other half was fine. 

Because of this heated social media conversation, I realized that the very strength that I was preaching for these women to have was the strength that I needed, to be a rock inside.  I needed to be stronger than the bio-chemical allergy, I needed to be stronger than negative thinking , I needed to be stronger than the voices that dissuaded me from pushing forward in many areas of my life.  Finally, I was able to listen to my own advice.  Drop the victim, up the self-esteem, get strong and be the rock I am inside to move the mountains that needed moving in my life. 

I was told many, many years ago by Jerhoam, a teacher entity, channeled by John Oliver, that the prolonged grief that I had sustained undermined my confidence.   In short, the long term grief over the suicide of a Soulmate when I was 24 years old and another suicide of my best friend years later, pushed my self-esteem too low.  I had lost confidence in my manifestation of miracles.  The strength of a rock that I dreamed of to overcome my bio-chemical allergy and my grief needed one thing:  the letting go of victim consciousness.

The Celestine Prophesy, by James Redfield, teaches that one of the roles people often assume in life is the victim in order to get energy.   This is an excerpt taken from http://www.relationshipspecialists.com/media/the-four-control-dramas-from-the-celestine-prophecy/  All humans, because of their upbringing, tend toward one of the four “control dramas”: intimidators steal energy from others by threat. Interrogators steal it by judging and questioning. Aloof people attract attention (and energy) to themselves by acting reserved or withdrawing. And poor me’s make us feel guilty and responsible for them.

The above description from James Redfield’s book, The Celestine Prophecy, defines four ways that people are in relationship with one another. All are attempts to control another’s behavior.

People usually hold onto their control dramas for dear life for two reasons:  they are not aware of what stance they are taking in their lives and that it is the familiar way of being that is ingrained deep into them in order to get energy.

If someone were to tell me that my experiences of suffering from the allergic reactions to one of my bio-chemicals was because of me playing victim, I would have fought with them.  Above all, I wanted to keep this illness.  I wanted to fight for dear life to keep this victim stance.  It was all I knew.  On some level, I was getting something out of being that way.  It was also an excuse to stay small.  If I could stay small, I wouldn’t have to be my true self.  On some level that felt comfortable.  Being my true self did not; it posed a risk.  I would have to break out of my shell of comfort and become more.  It was easier to stay small in the victim stance than to see that it was my choice to be in that stance in order to hide my true self.   

After severe praying about another issue, I went on facebook and received this realization from my own recommendations to get strong instead of being a victim.  It was an answer to my prayer; not the answer I hoped to get, but an immensely more important one.

The women who were victims in this particular issue reviewed on social media, helped me to see my own situation.    I felt overwhelmed by life’s conditions and, for many years, could not get above water.  By being able to admit that I created the role of victim in my own life, I now had access to the power key.  I could now take much needed action and shrug off the victim stance.  I was saved by my own recommendations and pushed to recognize my own victim role playing by those that dug their feet deep into their own and savagely protected it by hurling words of criticism against my attempts to show them their behavior and convince them of their own inner strength.  All that empowerment, though pointed to them and rejected, was showered upon myself.    

I was able to see that I was the one responsible for playing victim to, not only my own bio-chemicals, but to other people, circumstances, societal conditioning, etc.  I was able to take ownership of how I was being and I saw the path to correct it.   All of this happened for me because of a challenging experience on social media.

Many years ago, a teacher of mine who counseled me on the suicide of my soulmate who suffered greatly from one adult-onset bipolar episode, told me that things do not happen to you, they happen for you.   He was urging me to remove the victim stance.  At that time, I couldn’t digest that very deeply; now I understand.     

More Important than a Positive Mind

 There are so many books, articles, blogs, lectures, seminars, and classes on positive thinking.   Good thoughts and uplifting affirmations permeate the self-help world in the written, audio-visual, and virtual markets.   Everyone seems to have heard of this concept and many are focusing on it to help themselves be better people and lead healthier lives.   However, there is something more important than a healthy, uplifted mind.   I wrote the following words after asking my Higher Power for guidance.  I am typing it word for word, as I "received it."  

What's in my mind?

It parallels my heart.

What's in my heart?

It’s pure and light and sings and feels content

and full and happy.

My mind reflects my heart.

My heart is happy to see you.

Happy to give Service to this land.

Happy to contribute.

Happy.

My mind parallels my heart.

My mind is clear and calm,

Peaceful and knows itself.

It is brilliant and shines,

helpful and expansive, creative and humorous,

compassionate.

My heart is all of this and my mind only follows.  

My compassion extends beyond you, beyond me

It pushes me

to be a visionary

as I “see” a world

in my mind’s eye

that is beyond what is here now.

It is kind and comfortable,

compassionate and sharing.

I have love in my heart

and now my mind has love, too.

It parallels my heart.

I can know my heart

by feeling my mind,

it always parallels my heart.

We spend so much time healing the mind

But it is only a reflection of the heart.

It is the heart that must be healed.

The heart must sing.

Singing heart.

Happy heart.

Light heart.

Peaceful heart.

Content heart.

Satisfied, Full heart.

Loving heart.

This is what I “received” when I asked for wisdom.  This is truth and must be known by the masses, especially those that aim to steer the mind in the right direction, but forget to mind their heart.    What’s deep inside of us that allows us to feel is our navigation center.  Our mind simply follows the direction given by this center.   It is time now to focus and re-focus on the heart.  It must be recalibrated to a higher frequency that feels love continuously.  Extend this to all sentient and non-sentient beings.  The healing of the planet depends upon this.    

I give Insightful Guidance over the phone.  Contact me from my website www.EmpireOfTheSunspirit.com