The Journey to Self-Love

Self-Love and Happiness are closely related.  People who love themselves have an easier time being happy and their happiness is not necessarily connected to something external; it is internal.  People who lack self-love usually correlate happiness to something external.  Happiness to non-self-loving humans is often associated with distraction.  They seek something that is apart from themselves.  They might be less introspective, but more introverted, but if they are extroverts they might feel insecure underneath their masks.   

Self-Love is more important than we think. It shapes and influences everything we do and experience.  Cultivating self-love from a place of non-self-love is very important.  It should be taught in schools, but who could teach such a subject?  Most of us do not live in societies that care about the inner life of an individual.  Our societies are greed driven and are concerned about what they can get from human beings.  It is harsh. Self-love is the opposite; it is warm and cozy.  How can we cultivate self-love in a world that values hiding emotions and feelings in order to be more efficient?

I believe that within each of us is a blue-print of a remedy for every type of negativity known.  There is a secret intelligence inside of our beating hearts that point us to salvation if we can listen to it.  However, there is a lot of noise in this world, a lot of chatter in our minds, and a lot of distractions to take us away from our centers.  Even if we know our own heart and what makes it beat, we might be swayed away from knowing ourselves.  Cultivating self-love involves the challenge to listen to our deep knowing of who we really are and what makes us feel centered and whole.   Knowing information and acting on inner guidance are two different things.  We might have a strong feeling of knowing who we are, but we might be very conditioned to not listen to our inner truth.  Society has done a good job at controlling us and diverting us away from our core, from our passions, from who we truly are.  It sometimes takes an esoteric battle to meet ourselves and pursue what is true.  Taking on that challenge is the biggest step towards self-love.  Being concerned with our ultimate happiness is a sign of self-love.  People must be ready to enter into the sometimes fierce challenge to be who they really are. 

It is easy to love oneself and be happy when we have parents and teachers who help guide us to our own deep, true selves.  But, most people don’t have that.  It is rare to be valued for who we really are; that is an inside job.  We learn from an early age that value is often defined by pleasing another, by fitting in, by conforming to a way of being that might be opposite from our inner guidance.  The challenge to break out of conformity, to break out of the mold of who we are supposed to be, and meet ourselves truthfully can be overwhelming.  Some cannot enter into this type of challenge.  Some go to battle and fail.  Some are exhausted before they even start. However, there are a few of us that are driven towards happiness and self-love.  If our desire is strong, we will be guided by a silent force that pushes us over and over again.   We may have glimpses of our true selves as if passing by a still pond and for a moment being able to see our own reflection.  We may lack patience and introspection to be able to embrace our truth and instead reach for a flat stone to skip on the surface of the water thus shattering the still mirror image that was trying to show us something.  Our own busy mind cannot often stand still enough to listen to divine guidance that seeks to show us our inner selves so that we may strive to be who we really are.  We might fail time and time again into what seems like eternity, until one lifetime makes the ingredients of determination strong enough.

Taking on the challenge to reach self-love and true, deep, inner happiness cannot be separated from this pursuit to be who we truly are.  We might have to defy society, defy who we thought we were, defy everything we have been taught about reality. It might be such a swift challenge that some might end up taking their own life.  Yet, there are a few who have faced the challenge and have won.  They evolve to be their authentic selves and serve as a way-shower for many.  It is these people who have something to give billions of people: hope.  Combine hope with perseverance.  Add determination to learn to know who we truly are.  Take inspired action to express this inner light.  Perhaps if enough of us do this, then the world will truly be an uplifted place to call home.  

Non-violent Communication Distilled #4

Chapter 4 of the third edition of Non-violent Communication: A Language of Life by the late Marshall Rosenberg, has to do with understanding feelings.  In reading this portion, we realize just how vague feelings are in our language and culture.  We are taught to be in our head, not in our heart.  We are taught to think about situations and living beings, to evaluate them, to form an opinion about them.  Seldom do we connect with our own feelings or the feelings of others unless we have had some formal training on the importance of listening to and feeling our feelings.  Most of us don't have a language of feeling, instead we have a language of thinking.

Rosenberg seeks to change this paradigm completely with his teachings of NVC (non-violent communication).  The second step in NVC is expressing our feelings.  (The first step is observing without evaluating)  It is important to be vulnerable and to let the other know just how we feel in response to a certain circumstance.  This is something we are not used to doing.  If we feel fearful about something, we are taught not to express that feeling for fear of appearing weak.  We are taught to fear being vulnerable and to pretend to be strong and callous even if we don't feel that way inside.

However, being vulnerable is the only way we can be real.  Only if we are real can we have heart-felt experiences with others that satisfy our need for connection.  Otherwise, we have shallow encounters void of real feelings and emotional intimacy.  Since we can live our entire lives behind a mask of thoughts, far away from our essential feelings, we might not at first understand the depth of importance of NVC.  We may not see it as the gift to humankind that it is.  It enables people to communicate with a language of feelings in order to cultivate compassion and deep understanding.

Without a language of feelings, we remain in a world that is hostile, aggressive and cold.  The more we are in touch with how we feel, the more we care about others' feelings.  The more we care about others, the more we change to become a more compassionate group of people.   The more compassionate people there are in the world, the less violence we have.  Eventually, people will be able to fully love one another, animals and plants and treat them all with tender respect.  NVC is a path to get to this peace.  It becomes a spiritual practice, in a way, because it leads to a world of Love and Compassion. 

It is important not to confuse opinions, evaluations, and other thoughts for feelings.  For example, one might say that they feel ignored.  This is not a feeling.  This is an interpretation of the actions of others.  One might feel hurt when they thought they were being ignored because they wanted to be involved.  In another example, someone said they feel unimportant to co-workers.  The word "unimportant" describes how they think others are evaluating them.  Actually, they might be feeling sad or discouraged. 

On pages 44 - 45 of this third edition of the book, there are lists of words that convey how we are feeling when we are getting our needs met and how we are feeling when we are not.  These lists might help us when we feel that we don't have an internal language of feelings.  Most of us don't think about feelings and needs and we are not able to observe without evaluating or make requests without sounding demanding.  NVC is clearly a new way to communicate with compassion that ushers in a new world of peace.   

Non-violent Communication Distilled #3

The late Marshall Rosenberg wrote the book Non-violent Communication: A Language of Life.  He is responsible for creating NVC (non-violent communication), a compassionate process of communicating using a language that is based on compassion.  Our language is limited.  Many words in it convey criticism, put-downs, judgment, comparisons, aggression.  Our world is a reflection of the language we speak.  We can help to change our world by changing the way we speak, the way in which we use our language. 

Marshall explains, in chapter 3 of this book, that we should separate our observations from our evaluations.  Our minds judge; we evaluate.  If we are conscious enough to be aware of ourselves and the effect we have on others, we can curb our evaluations of people and circumstances.  Until then, we tend to automatically evaluate and analyze.  That is the function of a busy mind distracted by chatter about things, people, places and circumstances. 

We are warned that if we express our observations with evaluation, we create strife for ourselves and others.  People will automatically distance themselves from us when we express negative evaluations.  However, we can connect with people in healthy ways when we simply express what we observe and what feelings and needs arise from that.   For example, the staff at a school meeting were very aggravated by a principal who was long winded when he shared his anecdotal stories from his life.   The meetings lost focus and the participants were upset when the principal spoke unconsciously, rambled on and on and consumed a lot of their time and energy.   When Marshall asked the staff to tell the principal what they observed, they did so by passing rude judgments.  They did not have any knowledge of being able to use their language in a constructive manner.   Some of the staff rolled their eyes and poked one another, checking their watches when their principal spoke.  Someone finally blurted out that the principal had a big mouth. That is an evaluation.

No one knew how to express themselves effectively.  They mixed observation with evaluation.   It was explained to them that they needed to just express what they observed without putting any emotions into it.  They finally were able to convey to the principal their concerns about his storytelling.  It was apparent that it had become an unconscious habit. The principal was able to receive what they had said because it was delivered to him as an observation, not as a criticism.  He had wished they had told him before it had become a problem for them. They developed effective ways to let the principal know when he slipped into his old habit.  With Marshall's guidance, they were able to use language to solve the problem in a compassionate, gentle manner.  It was a win-win solution because they learned to use their language in a totally different way, as non-violent communication.

Though this seems simple, we have practiced using our words to hurt rather than to express our observations, feelings, needs and requests in compassionate ways.  The shift to speaking with awareness is one of the most important skills one can develop to improve their lives and the lives of others. 

Non-violent Communication Distilled #2

This is the distillation of the second chapter from Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-violent Communication: A Language of Life, 3^rd Edition.  He explains that imbedded in people’s language are words that purposely induce certain behavior that influence our lives, how we think about others and ourselves and how much power we have over our own decisions and actions.  History and how people are/were governed has shaped the way we speak and, ultimately, has made us small, removing our sense of personal responsibility for how we live our lives. 

When we use phrases such as “have to” in our sentences about things we must do in our lives, it removes our choice of how we could create our lives if we had more freedom.  We say “there are things you have to do, even if you do not want to.” This implies that we have no choice and no responsibility to be who we really are.  Society controls people by such phrases.  We also learn to use language that shows comparison.  We compare people to other people and use blame and shame in order to evoke certain responses from people.  All of this falls under violent communication.  We pit people against other people to coerce them to do certain things or behave in certain ways. This instills guilt. 

Compassionate communication uses none of these ways to convey information.  It aims to create a sense of responsibility in the speaker so that he/she feels empowered about their choices and who they are.  Rosenberg shows us that speaking from our feelings and needs bypasses any tendency to overpower another using shame, blame, control, comparison, etc.  He calls debilitating language that cuts people and ourselves down, life-alienating communication. 

If you carefully listen to people’s language, you can hear moralistic judgments.  People are constantly judging themselves and others using words that blame, insult, put-down, label, criticize, compare and diagnose.  For example, if you listen to most people’s conversations, you can hear people say things like, “he’s lazy, they’re prejudiced, it’s inappropriate, they are liars and cheats, we are selfish, you are wrong.”

Someone I know believes they are being helpful by giving out information and often begins his sentences with, “Let me tell you where you are wrong…” It always feels alienating.  He does not know he pushes people away by the very words he chooses to use.  They are considered violent words.  They instill in the other person a sense of alienation as they push one away and label them with a judgment.  We often speak this way to ourselves, criticizing ourselves for what we should or should not have done.  We have learned to think and speak this way from other societal members.  This type of language perpetuates a style of living that is hierarchical.  It can be traced back to times in history where people were governed by strict government and were required to be subordinate in order to survive.  Families often use words to create subordination in order to control others.  They may use violent communication in order to chase a feeling of being powerful that they bargain for by using words to put others down. 

When we live in this kind of violent communication based world, we become deprived of knowing how we feel and what we need.   In short, we lose sight of who we are.  If we cannot compassionately express our feelings and needs and if our language does not support our inner exploration of those deeper parts of ourselves, then we live in a violent world.

Non-violent communication is a compassionate way of speaking based on communicating our feelings and needs.  It does not assert judgment or dominate another through words.  It does not alienate us from each other and ourselves.  For example, NVC teaches that instead of saying “violence is bad,” we can say instead, “I am fearful of the use of violence to resolve conflicts; I value the resolution of human conflicts through other means.”  Rosenberg believes that it is our natural state to be compassionate.  His teachings are his way to bring us back to this compassionate way of being.  

Non-Violent Communication Distilled #1

The late Marshall Rosenberg founded Non-Violent Communication (NVC).  The Center for Non-Violent Communication (CNVC) offers certification and classes in this compassionate style of communication. NVC should be taught to people at a very young age. Perhaps every mother can listen to audible NVC books while pregnant so that children are born with a propensity toward effective and peaceful communication. Reading or listening to any of his books many times over can help people have better lives.  It does not matter if we come to this knowledge late in life, any time is a good time to learn something that can greatly improve all of our relationships. 

I will do my best to paraphrase key points in his books.  I am starting with the book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, 3rd edition.  On the cover, there are the words: empathy, collaboration, authenticity and freedom. If we dwelled on those four words, they would be a good conversation starter to have with others in order to move forward to a deeper way of living.

The purpose of NVC is to have deep, real, peaceful, meaningful connections with others and to contribute to their well being. It is about living from the heart, being generous, understanding and compassionate.  When we deeply listen to another, we are giving to them.  We give them our focused attention.  When we listen with a feeling of wanting to give and receive peacefully, our interactions with others are harmonious.

The basic four components to successful communication according to Marshall Rosenberg are observations, feelings, needs and requests.  In the first part, we observe what one is saying or doing without reacting or passing a judgement.  We simply state what we are observing in a neutral manner.  In the second part, we express how we are feeling when we observe the situation.  For example, we might feel hurt, frustrated, scared, joyful, amused, irritated, etc.  In the third part, we state what needs of ours are connected to the feelings we have identified.  We become more self-aware when we examine our feelings and needs and whether or not those needs are being met.   

For example, a husband nearly trips on his wife's shoes that she has left in the middle of the room. Using NVC, he states to her that he has observed her shoes in the middle of the room and feels uneasy since he nearly tripped on them.  He states his need to feel confident when he walks in the common room without having to look down for possible obstacles.  He then follows this with a request and asks if she would be willing to put her shoes on the shoe rack near the front door.  The request addresses what we want from the other person that would benefit our lives.  We ask our request with the preface of whether they would be willing to comply instead of expecting them or coercing them to change.  We need to speak clearly when expressing these four components (observations, feelings, needs, requests) and be able to receive the same four pieces of information from others. 

If someone does not know NVC, we can connect with them by sensing what they are observing, feeling and needing. After we establish an understanding, we can discover what request they might have that would enrich their lives. These are the two main parts of NVC: We communicate using these four components honestly and we receive by listening empathically.  We express ourselves using this four step non-violent communication and we learn to receive these four pieces of information from others by getting in touch with our ability to sense what is really going on within another.  In order to become proficient in NVC, it is necessary to listen deeply to another and to receive what they say with words or silence.  Instead of reacting to their words or actions that might seem harsh (like a jackal), we "put on our gentle listening ears" (like a giraffe) and feel into what is really being expressed.  Note, this is not a formula, it is a process that can be spoken or felt in silence, it can be adapted to various situations and cultural differences. 

Medical Medium Experience #2

Days have gone by since I started juicing celery juice, drinking other juices, paying attention to eating more whole foods and even more fruits and vegetables.  Since I am already a vegan, it is easier than having to change my whole diet.  I am merely adding more of a good thing, there is not much I need to remove, save for heavy metals probably as well as hidden viruses and foreign bacteria.  I believe a lot of not feeling well is connected to our thinking and our energy flow. 

If we notice our energy waves, it will tell us a lot about what is going on in the body.  Our energy should be running smooth like a well functioning car that doesn't sound like a frog jumped into its system and is trying to find his/her way out.  People don't feel well when their energy is erratic, all over the place, uncertain, bothered, uncomfortable: stressed out!  How can we put clean organic celery juice and organic cucumber, apple, asparagus with cilantro and parsley into a chaotic system and expect to run our energy clean and smooth asap?  We can put this lovely organic juice into our bodies and the plant energy will help us to calm. But, what if we don't notice our energy system, our pace, our thinking, our feelings and our chaotic stance that rubs against the flow?  How can we expect to heal when we don't pay attention to our energy?

It can cost a lot of money and time to put good organic juices, blender drinks and food into our bodies without addressing our energy flow.  In short, we have to ask, what is bothering us?  If we do not feel well, something is usually bothering us.  We may be in denial and pretend not to notice, but something is not the way we want it to be, not the way we dreamed it would be, not the way we envisioned life to be.   We usually don't investigate.  We just go along and call it good, call it okay, call it life and do the best we can do with what we have, but do not want or what we want, but do not have. 

Sometimes we think we cannot control things, we have to accept what is and deal with it.  We may not try to change anything.  We may just succumb to what is and suffer silently.  It wreaks havoc with our lives.  We desperately try to put good stuff into our bodies and this can make us feel a lot better because those organic plants have a higher vibration than our own energy flow that is stressed out with some sort of fear.  Energy wants to flow, it cannot when we are stressed, when we are not enjoying our lives, when something is out of balance, when we are not being who we are. 

Putting organic plants into our system is borrowing their lovely energy to help us.  But, we must do more than that if we want to have real Change.  It is important to know ourselves, to pay attention to what we are thinking and feeling.  If we are facing challenges and our energy feels exhausted because we don't have answers, don't have solutions, not sure which way to turn and feeling chaotic inside, we need to investigate. 

If there is something you feel that you need to do but clearly don't want to do it, investigate.  You may be trying to push yourself in a direction you think you need to go but really don't feel aligned with that intention.  If you do not feel in alignment with something that you feel you should be doing, stop pushing the river.  Perhaps there is another river somewhere else that would feel better.  Perhaps you are not speaking the same language as the life flow that wants to tell you something about yourself. 

Focus inward for a time and feel your energy flow.  Does it feel like there is a foreign highway taking you to an energetic place where you don't want to go?   You might notice that your energy is not running in the direction it wants to go and you might be forcing yourself into a box.  Keep listening to yourself.  There is a voice that wants to be heard.  Don't try to change everything at once; you are just beginning to listen to energy flow, just beginning to listen to an inner voice that is telling you something is not flowing the way you would prefer it to flow.   How can you change something when you don't have the resources, when it seems impossible to change, when there is a mountain in a place where you wanted there to be a stream? 

Just put yourself into the energy flow of the way you prefer to feel.  If you think that a certain situation would help you to feel wonderful, then focus on the energy flow so that you can influence the energy to flow in ways that feel great.  Then the outside circumstances will change.  Things do not change unless the energy flow changes first.  We can put a lot of effort into something, but if we don't focus on the feelings that we desire, then we manifest more of the same chaos, it just may look differently. 

Deliberately change the energy flow of how you are feeling; that is controlling your life and taking charge.  Otherwise we let our minds and feelings take over our lives.  We allow our thoughts about what we should be doing or not doing run the show.  Keep listening to your own energy flow and nourish yourself by listening to your heart. 

Juicing celery and other organic plants and drinking detox drinks helps one to have clarity on other parts of our lives.  Putting in clean organic plants to clear out negative debris helps us clear out the debris in our minds.           

My Experience of Medical Medium Thyroid Healing Book Day 1

My first day of reading the Medical Medium Thyroid Healing book was filled with hope and enthusiasm, worry and skepticism.  I read the good and bad reviews, saw the negative sites and some positive YouTube videos.  I know enough about using food as thy medicine and eating an alkaline diet with enough organic raw fruits and vegetables to know that I wouldn't be harming myself.  I fasted in the past and went on various cleanses and I am already eating a vegan diet, so I decided to jump in and try it.  I wanted to purify my diet anyway and this offered a good opportunity.

I was worried about my condition and knew that my doctors would push taking meds.  I had taken levo-thyroxine in the past since my TSH levels were on the high side.  I got sick from the medication, so after a little over a month, I took myself off of them.  The endocrinologist I was seeing sent me to UC, Irvine's endocrinology department for another viewpoint.  The doctor there confirmed that I didn't need the meds because my levels were not that high.  Nothing was mentioned about diet.

Less than a year later, I really didn't feel well.  I had the same symptoms, only worse: tired, listless, brain fog, difficulty remembering some things, insomnia, tinnitus, digestive issues, plantar fasciitis that had not completely healed after about a year and a half, joint issues, etc. etc.  I took a blood test that revealed that my TSH had shot up to 10.  I was upset with myself for not taking more kelp pills for iodine; I had only taken one a day, as directed on bottle.  I stopped taking L-tyrosine since my endocrinologist didn't think it was a good idea (nor did a naturo-path I had spoken to) to take an amino acid all by itself without the balance of others.  I listened to them and drank plenty of complete protein powders, ate my fair share of beans and rice, quinoa and legumes, cut out all soy products, and had plenty of fruits and vegetables.  I hadn't realized how much cruciferous vegetables I was actually eating until I read a more complete list.  Although Anthony William believes that we would need to eat a very large amount of those to make any difference in absorption of key thyroid nutrients, I decided anyway to limit my intake.  I had been eating cruciferous vegetables, raw and cooked, about twice every day for years.

Instead of getting back on levo-thyroxine for hypothyroidism as my doctor urged, I decided to cleanse and fortify using the fruits and vegetables, herbs and minerals that were put on this planet to nourish and sustain our bodies.  A good friend of mine had always pushed fasting and alkaline diets and was extremely healthy, so this wasn't new news.  I also decided to use oregano oil (sparingly since it's very strong) since it's anti-viral, anti-bacterial and anti-fungal.  I also took a vegan pro-biotic.

I started on the celery juice in the morning, made vegetable soup with added ingredients not mentioned in the recipe, drank the tea, had a smoothie with some added ingredients also not mentioned in the recipe.  I didn't have all of the herbs and foods on the list, but I improvised as I knew I would from the get go.

In the past, I would have been on a cleansing diet first and not fortified myself with anything, but since I was so exhausted and drained for so long, I decided to listen to a good percentage of ideas from the book and eat the cleansing diet alongside eating pure, clean fruits and vegetables to fortify.  To my knowledge, I had never cleansed and fortified at the same time, but I liked the premise of not over-taxing myself and not having to follow a strict diet meticulously. 

I ate organic baked potatoes with kelp flakes that supplied a lot of iodine.  I ate about 4-5 Brazil nuts, made a cucumber juice with ginger, parsley, cilantro, apples: all organic.  I drank the tea and the water with lime juice.  I had plenty of soup to last me a few days.  I felt armed with good nutrition and a good mind set.  I was ready to cleanse and fortify, remove heavy metals, viruses, bad bacteria, and all sorts of toxins from my being.

I knew that my liver needed to be dredged for some time.  In Chinese medicine, liver is the seat of anger (each organ corresponds to a feeling or emotion); I knew that I had lived a life that caused much of that to be stored in my body.  I even had dreams of being anger that I was processing out of myself at night.  I drank dandelion tea as well and tried not to be around angry people as much as possible.

I also believe that our physical dwelling place corresponds to our body and our life (i.e. my own abbreviated version of feng shui).  Alongside cleansing my liver, I am cleansing my dwelling. I began to get rid of things in my cupboards that were outdated or unused, get the garage in order, and look at what I was physically accumulating that I did not need from my rooms.  I had done that for a while, but this time I was doing it with conscious awareness, feeling that my inner cleanse corresponded to my outer cleanse. 

Stay tuned as I go through my experience of the Medical Medium Thyroid  Healing.  I wish you the best of luck on your journey. 

Taking Out Stones: Dealing with Depression

I remember when I lived off the grid in Oregon.  It was on the edge of nowhere which is often more full of somewhere than the agreed upon “somewhere” that people call cities or townships.  I had gone to the farmer’s market in the nearest town and traded a vendor daffodil bulbs in exchange for a shoulder massage.  I came back to the nowhere that was very much a somewhere to plant these bulbs in the earth, but I did not have a shovel.  What to do?  The ground was full of small rocks that were lodged into the packed earth, tightly holding onto their mother. After  being used to dwelling in one spot for so long, they did not want to move.   But, I wanted to plant flowers to add much needed color to this landscape. 

I sat on the ground next to my small, crumpled paper bag of bulbs and put my hands on the earth.  My hands became the shovel.  But, that is no easy task when the earth is so tightly packed with an order that makes everything fit perfectly, an order I intended to disrupt by planting bulbs.  Perhaps the fairies wanted to see flowers on this land, too.  I felt that there was a force helping me that I could not see, but had the same intention. 

When I tried to dig with my hands without any order, it was grueling.  If I had not surrendered my situation, I would have been there to this day, puzzled with tired hands.  Instead, I “heard” which rock I had to pull out first.  Magically, I was guided.  First I needed to loosen this rock before that rock would budge.  Then I needed to tend to a rock nearby that held others in place.  There was an order to this digging and I had been “invited” to partake in changing the scheme of things one stone at a time.  I could not rush things.  I could not control things.  I had to listen to which stones could be dislodged first so that they next one would come loose. 

I was able to remove enough stones, one at a time in a certain, unseen, order, to create space for the daffodil bulbs.  I had left that area before winter, so I never got to see the yellow splendor that decorated the earth, but I was told they spread and created a fairy world of wonder. 

It is years later that the memory of planting those daffodil bulbs wafted into my consciousness.  I was trying to make things in my life change without heeding the lesson of one stone at a time. I was frustrated at the timing and seemingly disorder of things.  I wanted situations to work out the way I thought they needed to be.  Instead, I had to stop and remember that lesson:  One Stone at a Time. 

We can become depressed when we think things are not working out as we planned.  But, thinking in another way can help us remove a lot of negativity.  One stepping stone leads to another stepping stone.  One stone is loosened to help remove another one.   We don’t have to understand, with our ordinary mind, the whole process.  We might understand some day, we might not.  Trust the process.  We may only “hear” to remove one stone at a time or to step on one stepping stone before another, but we may not see the whole picture.   Something important is happening, but it is below the surface so we cannot see it.  We often panic or get depressed because we cannot see the order underlying things.  In our fret to control, we might try to remove stones that are not loosened by other stones first.  We might try to jump to stepping stones that are too far away from where we stand, causing feelings of failure and misery.  We might lack patience and try to bulldoze everything at once leaving ourselves exhausted and disconnected from our true selves.  We might live our whole life trying to dig in areas that are not meant for daffodil bulbs.  

Relax.  There is an order to things when we stop to connect with an energy that speaks to us when we are quiet and receptive.   The rest of the world may not understand, but that is not important.  What is important is that your intention to beautify the world in some way has been heard.   You will be guided, step by step, to loosen stone by stone.  This, in itself, is a way to overcome many types of depression.  Trust the process.  Listen to your heart.  

What to Do with Depression that Feels like Anguish

There are many types of depression.  We know about them.  Some are lethargic, some are aggressive.  Some eat at us and pick on our skin as if we must pluck out our feathers while some are quiet and smolder underneath.  Some are so loud everyone can see our pain, others can be hidden buy our Huge.   Some are a constant hum that we are annoyed with while some have us grasping at escapes to end our pain.  What kind of depression do you have?

I notice that many types of depression have a similar origin.  Some of us get depressed because we don’t like what we are doing or we don’t want to do what we think we have to do.  We want to die to escape the pain but we don’t, instead we get depressed.  But what if we tried something else?   What if we allowed ourselves to do what we enjoyed doing? 

Many of us don’t know what we enjoy doing.  This is because we live in a work ethic society that puts guilt on us if we do what we enjoy.  We feel guilty if we are doing anything besides what we think we should be doing.  Even if we severely don’t want to do what we think we should be doing, we punish ourselves for not doing it.  This not only creates depression, it creates anguish.   Some therapists can help us try to do what we think we should be doing.  We often think that if we forced ourselves to overcome the barrier to our resistance, then we would feel better.   But, what if this was a totally backward way of thinking?  What if trying to overcome what we think we need to overcome is not on target with our Higher Thinking and Higher Feeling Self? 

There are many success stories about people we are successful and happy because they ditched their “should” mentality and listened to their heart.  In fact, most people that we read about that are happy have the same story.  They overcame their “should” story.  It is not an easy thing to do, especially if we don’t think we can succeed.  It is even harder if we have tried a number of times to listen to our heart, but still failed.   It can feel like a lose/lose situation.  Lose if one forces themselves to do what they don’t want to do and lose if they try to listen to their heart.  So, instead many just become depressed and do neither what they think they should do nor what they think they want to do.   They might escape into alcohol or drugs or sleeping or take pharmaceuticals to try to solve their problems, but often make things worse.   Death often looks better. However, the Soul doesn’t die and we might have to repeat this life over again, only it can be even more challenging if we end this one too early by our own hand. 

Some end up seeking help.  Sometimes that helps, sometimes it makes us feel that there is nothing that can help.  We are told to be positive and thankful over and over again, but it can be difficult if we think we need to do something to pull through, but cannot muster the energy to do that thing. Depression can grab us tightly so that it might take all day to change our mind and feelings to be positive and thankful.  Even if we manage that, we still tell ourselves that we didn’t succeed in our effort to overcome.  It becomes a vicious cycle.  It can feel like a groundhog day that has no ending.  We may silently wait for death to come to us, but that might take a long while, further pushing ourselves into deep depression. 

We may also come up with a million excuses to not feel better, to not succeed, to not allow ourselves to do what we wish to do.  We may think that depression at least makes us feel better because we think it is more appropriate to feel bad and punish ourselves for the guilt of not doing what we think we need to do.  This has us twisted in pain with no known way to get out of it that is not harmful to ourselves.   

There is no one size fits all when it comes to this kind of depression.  There is no one way to deal with this kind of pain.  But, there are some tools that can help.  For one, let us try to stop focusing on pain.  We feel bad because we are focused on feeling bad, focused on depression, failure and the ground-hog day of no-way-out-of-misery.  Being busy is good because it gets our mind away from being what it is used to being.  It is used to being our enemy.   It is used to finding thoughts that make us feel bad. 

So, for this day, find something that you can do that will get your mind away from making yourself feel bad.  Try to do something that you have been thinking about doing for a very long time but haven’t.  Let’s do this together.  Let’s have millions of people doing this together.  If you have something that you have been putting off, let’s do that now.  Right at this moment, start on that project that you have been putting off.  Ready, Get set, Go!   

Stay tuned for my next tool in the days to come….  For now, let’s begin to do that task we have been putting off…..   I’m going to start to clean out and organize my file cabinet…. 

Changing Ourselves to Help Animals Part 1

There is more to Animal Liberation than the obvious arguments that abound.  There is one very large key component to this evolutionary change that is very overlooked.  We are that component.  We live on a planet that is behind the times. It is backward in many ways with pockets of unrest that are unconscionable.  Fighting for animal rights and protecting these innocent beings is not a closed system.  To create a better world for all animals, we have to change ourselves.  We cannot contribute to the negative aspects of the planet and expect the rest of the world to change.  We are in this as a whole.  We don't need everyone to change, but we do need a good percentage to tip the scales.  We cannot effect the desirable peaceful outcome for animals on this planet without addressing our own behavior.  We are part of the whole energy that feeds into the mass vibration of the planet.

Animal Liberation is one of many outcomes of the energy of the Earth becoming more awakened, more peaceful, more harmonious, more cooperative, etc. We cannot have a jump to Animal Liberation/Animal Rights without addressing the whole energy of the planet. The way animals are treated is connected to how we treat each other, to how much negativity there is in this world, to how much hatred, etc.  Every part of this planet effects the quality of life here for every sentient being.  We cannot separate the fact that how we are vibrating energetically makes an impression on the entire energy of the planet.  We have become a part of this planet.  It is time to clean up our own behavior as well as protect animals and teach Animal Liberation.   There are a number of things we must do to speed up the evolutionary change of Earth.

If we are not kind to others or ourselves, we create a negative vibration.  This effects all animals. If we have hatred to certain groups of people, this effects the animals.  If we are sloppy in how we treat the earth and create toxicity, this effects the animals.  If we berate and judge each other and ourselves, this effects the animals.  The energy of the people effects the vibration of the whole entire planet.

If we are sick, negative and unhappy, we effect the animals.  We don't live in a closed system.  The energy we emit casts an impression on the vibration of this planet.   Many people, even fighting for the same causes, bash each other horrendously.  This effects the energy of the animals.  We cannot expect for the entire planet to enter into a new phase of evolution that emits a healthy vibration unless enough of us change the way we are (change our frequency).  If we create suffering for another or ourselves, we are not contributing to the whole of the planet that desperately wants to evolve to a more harmonious, peaceful existence.

Everyone has places within themselves that need healing.  Attending to our own vibration does a lot for the animals who are connected to this Earth.  When we heal our own victimhood, we help to heal it in the animals.  We take a stand for their letting go of the karma of victim when we see our lives parallel to theirs. We are not separate from them.  As we heal our lives, they heal their lives because we are connected.  The more we become happy, confident, loving people, the more the animals on the planet benefit from that energy.  When enough of us make the inner changes to create our own human revolution, the outer world also evolves.  We are connected. 

So when we go about doing what is necessary for Animal Rights and Liberation, we must include ourselves in our striving for living in a better way.  We cannot expect the world to change the way it treats its animals when we are not kind, when we do not care about paying attention to the details of decency, when we lack the integrity of being gentle, peaceful, caring, harmonious beings.

The level of change needed for Animal Liberation is equal to a complete vibration frequency change for the whole planet Earth.  Since we are part of this planet (we live here now), we cannot make this evolutionary leap unless we include ourselves in it.  Being a better person to ourselves and others will help the animals and bring us all that much more closer to living on an Evolved Planet Earth. 

All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Goats

I wrote All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Goats after "my Honey Goat" Patches passed over. I dedicated the book to him.  I just reread the book this morning after being in a funk from absorbing someone's heavy energy.  (I was like a sponge without my protection and "picked up" a friend's seriousness).  I was guided to reread this book and, miraculously, my bad mood vanished.   I learned something from my own written words.

This book contains part of what I learned from being with goats all of these years.  I needed to be reminded of something extremely important: The Need for FUN.   My friend had heavy energy.  His sense of fun was buried under years of muck and disappointments.  His energy hit me like a 18 wheeler truck: NOT FUN.   I was able to explain what had happened to him and why he was pushing me to Timbuktu.  He did not have his Fun on.

One of the things that Goats teach is to have Fun.  They are very playful.  When you play with them on their level, everything goes from black and white to spectacular color.   The adult world forgot fun in many ways.  They try to put that onto human children by creating schools that teach seriousness and dredge the fun out of the students.

My friend had forgotten to have fun.  His sense of play had been condensed to seeing movies and eating tasty food as a temporary and short-lived distraction.  His life became dry and brittle and his laughter was distilled down to the sound of a hiss, similar to a snake giving warning.  There was no heart and soul of Joy. Instead there was only the seriousness of a life that had not yet met its desires.

In come the goats.  We went to see the goats at Lolypop Farm animal rescue.  I transformed as soon as I saw the herd.  When I put my hands on their playful serenity, I was instantly restored even though we were not actually "playing" in the moment.  It is enough to be with them, to feel the love that they are. Goats are powerful.  They make people change.  They sing, "forget your troubles c'mon get happy."

My own book reminded me of this need for play and fun.  I was guided to reread it and I am glad I listened to my inner guidance.   Balance is really important.  Everything is dependent on balance. Don't forget to be like the goats and take time to play, to have fun, to find the absurdity in the environment around you and laugh at it.    

Dealing with the Loss of an Animal Companion Part 3

When the loss of an animal companion brings severe sorrow and anguish, we have the option of dealing with it from a spiritual perspective.  Death is not something that can be easily dealt with from a purely physical, earth plane, practical perspective because it is opposite of all of that.   The parting of a soul from a body is spiritual in nature.  We must try to see it from a spiritual stand point.  But, we don't usually have the language for that.  For example "spiritual stand point" - there is no "standing" in a spiritual realm.  Floating might come to mind.  But, that is nothing that we are familiar with.  We think "float" and we are in a body of water, not in the ethers, not on a dimensional plane whose existence is beyond the physical.  In short, we forgot what it was like to die.  

We want to hear the call of our animal companion, feel their physical presence, kiss them, hug them. We want to take care of their physical needs.  But they are no longer on the physical plane of existence.  Yet, they are not gone.  They exist still.  They are alive, but in a state that can feel far away from us.  One way of dealing with loss is to embark on a journey to connect with the spiritual realms. Let's get metaphysical.  

Rocky came to me in a dream.  The dream state is between worlds, this earth plane world and the etheric realm.  They can visit us there because our minds have less resistance.  We are not consumed with the material, physical world while we sleep.  (A sleepless night occurs when our minds are too occupied with the earth plane realm.) It is possible that we ask their soul to come to us in the dream state, to visit and give us a message.  My goat Rocky kissed the head of his companion goat Sunshine, my other son, in the dream.  The message was clear for me to understand.  He was telling me to take care of Sunshine and to allow Sunshine to take care of me.  He showed me with that one image a way to cope with my loss.  Give love and receive love from at least one being who is still remaining on the earth.  

I realized that no matter how hard it is to live without my brilliant, fun, loving, amazing goat Rocky, that if I have at least one other being to love and be loved by, then I can live here.   I raised Sunshine. He is easy to love and fluent in English.  He is also grieving over the loss of his companion, Rocky. Goats form such tight bonds.  They have very deep feelings and their grief can last for a long time. Sunshine keeps me grounded on the earth dimensional plane.  But, I must also allow myself to connect with the higher realms so that I can still feel connected with Rocky.  

Keep open to receiving dreams from your departed loved ones.  That is an easy medium for them to visit.  It is between worlds.  Stay tuned for more blogs on communicating with those that have passed over to the higher dimensions.     

Dealing with the Loss of an Animal Companion Part 2

We're flattened and hollowed out.  We're dried up, yet full of torrential tears.  Our animal companion is no longer physically on this Earth.  What do we do with the energy of grief that could beat us down and create neuro-chemicals of depression that could possibly lead to other illnesses?  We can allow ourselves to grieve for a time, but we must not become chemically addicted to the neuro-chemistry of sadness. If it becomes a habitual feeling,  it can be even more challenging to get up again.

We must do something, eventually, with our grief so that we are not wallowing in a mucky pond that is too small to go swimming and yet too cold and stagnant to soak.  People often create a legacy for their own human children or for other people that have touched them deeply, but have passed over.  When losing an animal companion feels unbearable, we must create a legacy for them.  A legacy is something we create to benefit others that is influenced by the life of the person or animal that passed.  If we focus on creating our animal companion's legacy, then we are focusing the energy of grief into something productive and helpful that will live after them.

When Rocky passed (I am still in the beginning stages of grief where even writing that feels like an impossibility), I knew I had to create a legacy in his honor so that his magnificence would not just effect me only.  He was an amazing goat.  His intelligence, compassion, affection, playfulness, wisdom and confidence surpassed that of most beings.  I am privileged to have had him in my life. Rocky, Sunshine and I were a herd.  A herd is very tight knit. Once you are part of a herd, you are in. You belong.  There is no looking back.  You are part of something that is larger than the sum of its parts.  The herd membership is like a secret code that lets you into an amazing world.  You no longer just sit with goats and interact with them.  Being part of the herd means that now even one glance from a goat's eyes has a deeper meaning and feeling.  It means you are connected.  Your identity becomes wrapped up in the herd mentality.  I can only describe it as having a sense of BELONGING that makes that word pale in comparison to how it really feels.

Losing Rocky is not just losing the best part of what I considered my life, it is also losing an identity. My sense of self was wrapped around my connection to him.  He somehow made the world a better place for me.  I was obsessed with him.  His love for me and my love for him defined my life.  What choice do I have but to create a legacy?

When you lose an animal companion that touches your soul deeply, creating a legacy for them can be the best thing you can possibly do.  Rocky's Legacy is to help save other animals.  He was a lucky goat.  Most goats in the area I live are eaten.  Many goats are killed and abused in the dairy industry. Even young goats are used as food.  The most popular meat in the world is goat meat.  But, these are one of the smartest, affectionate amazing beings.  Rocky's Legacy is to promote the awareness of the value of animals and influence people not to eat them or use them for human gain.  We share this planet with animals.  We can honor and respect them, doing whatever we can to improve their lives. Rocky's Legacy is to promote veganism and animal rights.  His name will live after him.  Though he left this world, this mission will live on.  One amazing goat will effect many animals.

Create a Legacy for your loved one.  The more they effected your life, the larger the legacy.  In this way, you channel the energy of grief, of loss, into a meaningful gift for the planet.  It is my belief that our loved ones would want to help the planet, would want their life here to have meant something on a larger scale.

Rocky's Legacy is, at this time, composed of two parts.  One is a short story I wrote called Cornelius the Goat that awaits illustration and will soon be on Kindle.  It teaches others to value animals. The other part is a play I wrote called Barnyard Karma told from the point of view of farm animals that are trying to avoid slaughter day.  It is a docudramedy: part documentary, part drama, mostly comedy.  It helps to raise awareness for animal liberation.  It is needing funding to be able to be performed for free in many locals.

Creating such a Legacy is a good way of handling the loss of a loved one.  If you allow the life they had to live after them, you are helping the planet.  You are also helping yourself.  When you give your life a grand purpose, to save animals from being eaten and abused, you help the environment as well.

Create a Legacy for your animal companion.  This is a healthy way of dealing with the suffering that accompanies loss.  

Dealing with the Loss of an Animal Companion

I use the phrase Animal Companion and not pet because I am referring to my experience of my loss of Rocky, my goat.  He was my companion because I respected him as an equal.  Although I took care of him, he also took care of me.  He was extremely intelligent and found a way to communicate with me.  He understood all of the English I spoke, even full phrases.  He played with me, cuddled with me, made me laugh and gave me unconditional love.  He surprised and delighted me for years. He caused elation in my life by his very presence.  He got very sick and died earlier than I ever expected.

How do I cope with such a loss?  This is an epic experience in my life.  It is not just a major life occurrence, it marks a huge change for me. 

For those of us that are at a loss of  how to handle our loss, we must be patient with ourselves.  We know that grief has many stages and we pass through each one and loop around and repeat some of them again.  Grief takes the time it takes. Everyone processes emotions in different ways that last for various amounts of time.  You are not alone in your suffering and yet your process of healing is vastly unique and your own.  Pick and choose the ways that feel right to you.  Ride the grief out as best as you can knowing that the agony will eventually pass.  We don't have to know when the pain passes, we just know that eventually we will be able to also feel joy again.   Such is life.  Allow yourself the time and gentleness to go about your own process in your own unique way.  This is your grief, your feelings of deep and lasting change.  Allow this change to Change you. 

Grief has the potential to Change us.  I write that with a capital "C" because the change can be profound.  In my book, Piece of Planet or Planet of Peace: A Journey through Letting Go Told in Prose and Poetry, I write about a phrase I coined after my Soulmate passed over prompting me to take a Trust Walk without any money.  That phrase is: Use Change to combat change.  If we have a huge change in our life, we can create an even larger Change so that we can expand and grow in grand ways.  I know this, but I am currently not at that stage of grief yet.  Knowing this, however, is helpful.  I know deep inside of myself that I will travel this road of grief and let it crack me open to a new version of myself.  This knowing is very helpful.  I tuck it away for the future.  For now, I allow myself to feel.

It is important not to push the stages of grief.  Don't be in any hurry to feel better.  Allow yourself to just be real.  Crying allows the toxins to rid the body.  If you feel tired, rest.  If you feel like being alone, then isolate for a time, but not for forever.  This too shall pass.  When my Soulmate Ted passed over at the early age of 24, many years ago, I used that phrase often.  This too shall pass.  When I was in agony I knew that feeling would pass.  When I felt elated, I knew that feeling would pass also.  I couldn't hold onto any feeling because they would pass.  I had to Surrender and let go, allowing human feelings and thoughts to be like a river passing through, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Eventually everything passes through like a brook, like a stream, like a river. It all empties into a vast ocean where we can no longer find the thoughts that were once attached.  Grief is like this. It is stormy. It is quiet. It is torrential. It comes in drips or sometimes freezes until it has to eventually thaw. 

I know deep inside my life will never be the same. I will have to become larger than the feeling of devastation.  In the meantime, I allow myself to be sloppy with grief.  I allow it to wash over me or to stand still until I catch up with it.  I allow myself to be in a fog or to glide like a cloud with no mind. I allow myself to scream his name, calling to bring back what I cannot.  Grief is messy. It pushes and pulls us until we eventually come up for air and find Acceptance. 

Don't suppress it.  Don't pretend to be on a spiritual path that is only positive and does not allow sorrow.  Don't try to force yourself into just feeling thankful for the time you were blessed by your Loved One.  Being human means we have many feelings.  It is important not to get stuck in the muck and mire.  Have those feelings, but don't hold on to any one of them.  Let them come and go.  They will visit again; leave the door open. 

Forgiveness

There are many books, blogs, articles, guided meditations, etc. on the topic of Forgiveness.  Indeed, it is an important part of being human and living on this Earth.  How can we exist in a peaceful world without forgiveness?  It is impossible.  Maybe that is the reason there is so much unrest in the world on both micro and macro levels.  The idea of forgiveness is merely a concept.  It is not taught on a deep level at an early age.

When someone does something to us that hurts us deeply, should we forgive that person or their actions?  Why is this even a question?   Everyone will have an opinion on this.  They will tell you their personal experiences with forgiveness or they will vent and complain with a look in their eyes of unfinished business.   Of course, my answer to the question of "should we forgive someone or their actions?" is quite different.  My answer in an emphatic:  NO.  I will not Forgive them!!  

Why will I not forgive one who has hurt me?  Because it is not them I need to FORGIVE; it is my own self that needs that.   I believe in The Mystical Law of Cause and Effect (Nam Myoho Renge Kyo).   This states that for every action or intention or thought or feeling, there is an effect created.  Actions, intentions, thoughts and feelings are simply energy.  Energy creates a chain reaction. It is not stagnant; it is moving.  It affects other parts of the whole which is why everything is connected all of the time.   We are all one simply because energy is in movement and creates reactions, causes, and effects that affect the whole.

I take responsibility for the fact that whatever I am experiencing is because of myself.  Because of my thoughts, my feelings, my vibration, my energy, my essence, and/or my reactions to things, something happens in my life.  I may like it or dislike it; seldom is it possible to be neutral.  I am the creator of those happenings.  Why should I ever forgive anyone when I was the creator of a circumstance?

You might think that you know the true story and are justified to blame your life situation on someone else.  But, that contradicts the Law of Cause of Effect.  The main ingredient that is missing in many people's views is what happened in the past.  We don't know what we might have done in past lives to the people who are in our lives now.  How can I blame someone and then have to go through the process of forgiving them if I might have killed them in a past life?

I realized that what I have done to the people who have upset me in this lifetime is probably far, far worse than what they have done in this one.  I have no proof or concrete knowledge of what I might have done in a past life, but I feel that it is the reason I am experiencing what I experience.  The way to change my experiences in life is to Forgive myself.

I have a Higher Power in my life.  Sometimes I call that Higher Power Source Energy or God or All That Is, or The Force, or The Universe, or Love Energy, etc.   In my perspective, it is an inexplicable energy that is unseen yet has Power and is, ultimately, Beneficial and Benevolent.  It seeks to Expand. We are connected as one and our Expansion is part of the Whole that expands everyday to become better and better, more wiser, more loving. I feel that my Higher Power loves me as I am.  In this case my Higher Power has already accepted me as I am, so there is no need to even be forgiven. But, I needed to say that I was Forgiven by God in order to help me to Forgive myself. I imagined myself to be a soldier that was commissioned to kill a neighboring tribe by the government that wanted them eradicated.  I imagined that I was Forgiven by All That Is which helped me to Forgive myself for killing in combat.  I didn't know what I was really doing. I didn't know that Peace could be attained by any other way besides War.  In forgiving myself for an imagined past life, it helped me to see why I might have created people in this life that wanted revenge.  If I had stole all of someone's money in an imagined past life, I no longer had to forgive them for taking $20 from my wallet.  I had done far worse to them in a past life than they have done in this life.

I believe that everyone's common purpose is to expand to become more Whole, more Loving.  In this way, we are all linked, all of the time.   We just don't always all expand toward good in the same lifetime. It might take someone until the next lifetime to be able to be more loving.  Forgiving ourselves for what we might have done in past lives is crucial, in my opinion, to help us expand.  If we have hatred and rage against someone and want to kill them with our bare hands because they have killed or harmed our child, that rage can damn up our whole energy, our whole life.  It can cause us illness and ruin our entire lives.  But, if we understand on a deeper level that we might have murdered their whole family in a past life, then we are experiencing a karmic pay back.  We are experiencing the Law of cause and effect.  Sometimes there is instant karma and sometimes it happens in the future.  That is why we really have to watch our thoughts towards others: it will eventually bite us in the ass somehow if we are not kind.  Maybe everybody is really doing the best that they can do on the level they are on. We cannot fault them for not being on a Higher Level.  They are just not there yet.  They don't know what they are doing.

Forgiving ourselves for what we might have done in past lives that might have caused some of our experiences in this one helps us to make Peace with the way things are.  We don't have to fight against someone if we image a past where we might have been less evolved than we are now.

After we Forgive ourselves, we no longer have damned up energy against others or the world. We no longer hold resentment, anguish, rage, hatred, unrest, etc. in our cells.  We let it all go and Accept that we are burning Karma if something happens that is not to our liking.  We can pick ourselves up and change our situation once we Forgive ourselves for the unknown past.  But, if we continue to hold grudges and bad feelings, we might move to another location to try to flee, but we will soon experience something similar.  We cannot run away from Karma, but the sooner we Accept and Forgive ourselves for past mistakes in this life and in past lives, then we can love ourselves as Source Energy loves us.  We can start over to Receive Abundance and So Much Good In Order to Share. Once we totally Forgive our entire past, this life and past lives, we can live from a place of Sharing Good with others and living in order to Serve from a place of Joy.

I heard this song many years ago.  After this realization about Forgiveness, it popped back into my head again. Enjoy:   https://youtu.be/q3JjlkfX5Gk

Group Dealings: How to Keep our Cool in a Hot Pot of People

It is easy to lose our cool when we are with people who all have different ideas, needs, wants and viewpoints.  We can easily get angry and want to escape.  Sometimes escaping is a wise idea.  If the people in the group are toxic with ideas from the Ice Age, it could be a grand idea to move away from the fire.  Why put yourself in agony when you don't need to?  

But, sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we must be with others that are pulling and pushing in all different directions.  How to cope?   When we feel angry or disappointed that things are not going our way, it is a good idea to pause and breathe and re-think our motives.   If we are upset, it is because we are choosing to be upset. We are choosing to see something from only our point of view.  This might be a perfect time for learning lessons.  When there is a glitch in the system, it will eventually come to the surface to be looked at and either fixed or discarded.

When you find yourself in a situation that brings your blood to a boil because of numerous people in a hot pot of conflicting desires and views, pretend for a moment that there is no one outside of yourself.  Your feelings of discomfort are coming to the surface for you to learn something about yourself.  Introspection can be a very difficult thing to do.  Most people are not self-aware.  Most people do not want to improve themselves.  Most people are not capable of admitting that they have shortcomings or places within that could be brought to the light for insightful self-study.  

But, if you are willing to expand, then pretend that your feelings are not actually caused by another. Own your own feelings.  If you are a planner and organizer, for example, and your group cannot participate and interact to come to any consensus, then you might find yourself feeling quite upset. Take that feeling inward; take it home to yourself.   Realize that your feelings are your own and they are a reaction to something that is outside of yourself.  There will always be situations that do not go as you planned.  There will always be someone that has another direction to go that might be completely opposite of your intended harmony.  Relax.  This is normal.  There is no need to fret.  There is a great lesson to learn here.  It is the lesson of allowing something to be as it is without trying to change it.   There are times when we cannot influence another for our own purposes.  We have to just see that something we planned or desired is not being met by others.   If we resist the fact that everyone has their own agenda then we can cause ourselves much harm.  If we expect to get another to yield to our ideas then we can be creating much unnecessary pain for ourselves.  

As we pause to take a breath, we can see that in the bigger scheme of things, the issue at hand is really not that big of a deal.  But, the grand lesson that is presented by the problem is a big gift.   This discomfort becomes an opportunity for great growth:  we get to let go of being in control and having things go our own way.  Hallelujah!  What a great lesson to learn.  When we are dealing with others, going with the flow can be quite a necessary step to  harmony.  

True, sometimes we may need to step forward and pave the way.  But there is wisdom in knowing when to step forward and when to allow other people's steps to walk where they may.  If we come from a place of Intending Harmony for All, then we can use our wisdom instead of our egos that might be used to performing in certain patterns that may no longer work.

When we don't expect anything from others, but expect from ourselves to give what is loving, then how can we lose?   When we come from a place of respecting another and allowing them to have different desires than we do,  then we are on our way to a more harmonious lifestyle.  We free ourselves by allowing another to be free.  

This allows us to not have to constantly try to change another to suit our own selves.  This does not mean we ignore our feelings and compromise our morals and ethics, it just means we let go of the need to be right and to be in control of another or a situation. We allow the flow of the energy to have its own voice.   We don't fight the current, but learn to go with the flow.  We intend for harmony for all and get out of the way.   Intending is strong.  We don't have to push the river.  It has it's own integrity.  There is a Divine Flow to a moment. We don't have to create what that is at every turn.  We can live by allowing the flow to take us where we need to go. We can Trust that if others have another idea or plan, we can join their boat, wait for a moment for them to join ours, or get another boat to accommodate another wind pattern.      

On Relationships #4

Communication is Important. It is not only Important, it is the basis for all relating.  We communicate even when we don't realize it.  We communicate with our bodies, we communicate in silence, we communicate with animals that don't speak our human language.  We communicate.  Silence is a huge communicator.  Silence can  speak louder than words. It can mean many things.

When people are afraid to communicate or do not know how and decide to remain silent, their silence communicates for them.  They may not realize that their silence can mean things that they might not have intended.   They might have so many feelings and be bottled up and in emotional pain.  They may think about speaking to the other person each moment of each day, but their own blocks can cause them to plaster their mouth shut for fear of saying the wrong thing, for fear of not being able to speak the language of their heart, for fear of not being able to form coherent sentences while in their emotional stupor.  But, in actuality, when they choose to be silent, they may be hurting another more than they ever thought possible.

Silence can be misinterpreted in so many ways.  If someone is silent, the other person can interpret that as the other person not caring about them.  This is very loud.  They may feel ignored and disregarded.  They may feel that the other person is cold and  has no love for them.  This may or may not be true.  It could be that the one not speaking has their feelings wrapped around their tongue and are too much in anguish to let out any sounds.  But, their inability to communicate can build  huge walls, or even a huge walled city around them.  Those walls can be interpreted as walls of steal that do not let any energy in or out.  Then there is no open window, no screen to allow back in even the smallest trace of love.    Silence, in this way, can be damaging.  If one is silent for too long, the message of coldness and disregard can destroy even the best relationships.

However, sometimes silence is necessary.  A short amount of silence can save a relationship. If one is really angry and upset and they take moments of silence to breathe out their negative energy, to run or walk around the block to move the energy out of their bodies, then this type of silence is medicine. But, if it goes on for days or longer, it can turn to solid walls, even if that is not their intention.  

It is advantageous to learn about communication and how silence could be interpreted.  Then we do not just learn to communicate, we learn about communication, what it is, what things could possibly mean and how to understand how we affect and relate to others based on our ways of communication or lack thereof.    Everything is in relationship to another, thing, person, place, concept.  Everything is relating.  The floor relates to the door that moves over it.  The carpet relates to the floor beneath it, the glance of an animal relates to the person who receives the glance.  Everything is related and is in relationship.   Knowing this sheds light on the need to understand the nuances of communication.  We need to know when silence is just a lack of communication or whether it is on purpose to communicate loads of information.  Silence speaks louder than words when it is intended for that purpose.

Sometimes someone can say "I love you" louder by looking one in the eyes in silence than in rambling a very long romantic poem that takes until tomorrow to complete.   Know yourself. Know how your communication or lack thereof, affects another.  Know when to be silent and when your silence can be the dagger that ends the story.  Understand that people are in relationship with you no matter who they are; how you communicate to them tells loads about you.   You cannot undo a word. Once spoken, you have conveyed to another a lot of information about your current state, about who you are and how you manage stress.  You can also not undo silence if you let it go unchecked for too long.  Silence speaks louder than words.      

On Relationships #3

Esther Hicks, who channels the non-human, wise, group entity Abraham, has helped millions of people world wide. It is difficult not to give credit to them for so much of what comes to me to write since I have been studying that material for so many years.  So much information can be traced back to what I have absorbed from these non-humans who generously give their energy to help us humans who cannot always "see" what is in front of them.  What they teach can be applied to every human scenario and situation, every topic and every challenge.

With regards to love relationships, a good one has the ingredients that can be found from any Abraham cd, dvd, book, seminar or old cassette tape (yes, they have been around for a very long time).  To have a great relationship even after many years, look to what Abraham says.   One must be in their vortex if they expect to have good flowing to them.  What does this mean?  To be in one's vortex means to be tuned in, tapped in, turned on (in Abraham's words) to the truth of who we really are and to face downstream, away from struggle battling a current that no longer exists if we turn our boat around.   Yes, you can be alive and do this.  It is optimal.  It is not only optimal, it is the recipe for a good life and for having good relationships.

Many people get into a relationship and put their best foot forward.  They show the side of their face they like the best.  They dress the part, brush their teeth and put on a smile.  They interact in order to attract and uplift, to have fun and to share.  If that relationship is mutual, it has staying power. But then something happens.  They get complacent.  They take for granted the other one's presence.  They get so comfortable with the other that they can forget that they still need to reach higher and make themselves happy so they have something to share with another.  Instead, many fall into the easy sharing of complaints and pitfalls of life's disappointments.  They can get waterlogged with let downs and show their mate a boat that has been battling the current for so long it has lost its paint and no longer has the details showing it's name.  The ocean boat once proudly named "Vitamin Sea" is now without a name.  The pain was scratched off and the anchor was dislodged as well.

I have seen this time and time again.  A couple lacking luster has somehow lost their desire to continue to put in the energy to repair and maintain their boat.  The salt from the ocean has found its way into wounds.  Fresh water has not been used to clean to deck, care has not been given to give care and appreciation to their vehicle.  Sometimes this is a sign that someone has relied to much upon another to steer the boat.  They might expect their mate to make them happy, create a smile and provide for them the reassurance they need to face the world.  This type of behavior wipes the paint off of a boat or zaps the energy of a relationship.

It is our responsibility to connect with our own inner core of peace before we interact with another, even our mate of many years.  Our mate does not have to weather our storm. We can get centered in our own  heart to make our own waters calm and then interact with our mate.  If we put the effort to make sure our inner life is smiling before we open our eyes to see our mate, then our relationship is on sacred ground that is respected.  Then the spark of appreciation is still there.  The feeling of love is constantly cultivated and put into conscious awareness. When we put the effort into making our inner world a haven, then we respect our love relationship.  We don't put too much burden on the other to be a machine to stop the waves from coming.  We can learn to navigate our own seas, knowing to turn into the wave instead of battling against it, to turn our boat downstream instead of paddling frantically to keep aboard.  We can learn when to take down a sail, or when to put one up and which one in order to catch the wind in the right direction, or when to use the motor when maneuvering slowly around other boats.  We have to learn to look around us to avoid a collision coarse from a boat in the distance that we might intersect if not for awareness and experience.   If we are not experienced in relationships than how can we expect to sail on the open seas.  We have to stay in the harbor and learn to navigate first.  We have to take classes on reading the stars as our compass.  The other person on board, may be our mate, but they are not responsible for our life.  They may share in efforts of putting up and taking down the sails, but they are not the driving power behind the wind, they are not the wind itself and they are not anchor we need when arriving into port.   They are simply on this ride sharing the journey. It is up to us to make sure we tap into our own inner divine energy to smile before we open our eyes to say good morning to another.   We must tap into the Source of our joy and share that with our mate instead of complaining together about the weather and expecting them to bring out the sun.  We keep full length rain gear in storage and look to our own inner guidance to make ourselves happy.  Then we have something to share, then we can contribute to the ride, then our relationship can continue to sail on the adventures of life.  

On Relationships #2

Self-love means that you no longer spend huge amounts of time trying to attract another to love you. So many people waste so much time and money on the internet, going to seminars, buying books and end up where they started: as single as the moon in the sky, looking at the sun but never able to get close enough to touch that ball of light.  Balls of fire aside, they get burned out of shopping for mates and in the end, nothing about them has changed save for the fact that they are now more disappointed than ever.  This pushes the likelihood of a mate dropping out the sky almost close to zero. What to do?

In comes the idea of shopping for a mate.  Yes, you heard it, let's go shopping!   This is not the same type of shopping as going to the human flesh market, window shopping, or shopping for clothes to attract another.  This shopping does not involve spending a dime, although nowadays spending a dime is nearly impossible: nothing on earth costs a dime anymore unless it is a single piece of bubble gum from a gumball machine.  Blowing bubbles is a good idea!  Have fun with this kind of shopping, it is meant to bring more joy into your life.  Here it is in a pecan shell:  when you find a person you are attracted to, look carefully and examine why.  Why are you hung up on hanging out with this person?  Why are you hooked on hooking up with them?   Why are they the icing, the ice cream, the whipped cream, the vegan burger, the fries and the whole enchalada?   In short, what about them has them in your central idea center?  What about them is taking up so much of your time?  This is where we insert shopping.  Let's go shopping.   They are your shopping muse.  What about them has you so enthralled?  Now let's shop for what they have and add that to yourself.

Are they strong?  Are they able to bench press their baby calf?  If you could lift a little sweet calf and rescue it from a veal slaughterhouse you would be dripping with tons of excess self-love.  Okay so let's add physical strength to your shopping list.  Now let's apply action.  Start lifting weights.  What if they are strong on the inside and are able to confront any challenge with bravery and courage. Let's add that to our shopping list.  Let's become emotionally and mentally as strong as a dragon (when was the last time you met a dragon - perhaps you need to have more imagination to see yourself as really that strong, physically, mentally and emotionally.)  Emotional strength, by the way, does not equate with suppressed and hardened faces unable to show any sign of weakness.  It means emotional maturity, being able to be vulnerable, knowing when to ask for help, when to share and when to take a walk or run in silence ---or when to lift weights until you sweat out your inner story that just might be a tale that needs to find its end.  

Let's continue shopping....what if that person you obsess about is like the sun and everyone runs circles around them.  What about that person is magnetic?  Perhaps they are helpful and kind.  Look inside - this is a different kind of shopping experience.  Do you have those qualities within you or are you afraid to shine your light?  Are you mean when you want to be kind?   Are you cold when you want to be warm?  Do you go the extra mile for someone or just give them your leftovers?

Be the person you would like to be.  The person you are attracted to is showing you what type of shopping you need to do and what types of qualities or attributes you need to add to your cart.  Fill this cart with what you desire to build within your own self.   This is what people do who are full of self-love.  They don't grab merchandise from other people's carts and steal their energy, they build their own cart and put in it just what they need, just what their heart has been nudging them to add to themselves.

This is not fix-it shopping.  We are not talking about fixing ourselves into oblivion and looking for ways to improve so that we can attract a mate.  No!  We are shopping for what it is that we find so alluring and putting that into our own selves.   Then we are in our own center.  We become what we are looking for.  Then we are attractive and the right person automatically is drawn to us.